Plights of Socialized Health Care and Other 3rd World Delights

In the 3 months that I have been in and out of hospitals, it never once occurred to me to ask about my vision. It took me a couple of weeks sulking on the fringes of training to actually internalize the fact that I had been living quite some time with only one eye .Will it ever return to normal, will I lose peripheral vision, and how long before the gas dissolves and I can see clearly again. These all would have been fantastic questions to pose to the doctor, but in the end, they never even crossed my mind.

I only ever have one question: when can I train again. The doctors have come to know me now, so at the end of every meeting they put their clip board down, look me in the eyes, and stress to me the need to stay still. Hours of waiting in lines, eye drops, and staring into bright lights have molded me into a veteran of Brazilian socialized health care system. There are doctors with selfies of me on their phone floating around in several hospitals (because seriously? why would she let someone one kick her in the face?) 

Catching multiple buses to unknown locations, at 5 A.M, in an unnaturally cold and remote town is a distressing contrast to cruising on a long board down the beaches of Ipanema. Adjusting to the desolate landscape was hard enough when I was a fully functioning fighter, but now, as an invalid, separated front he rest of my teammates, it was down right unbearable.

The food in Curitiba is good  though so I was able to find some respite to wallowing in self-pity in cheap culinary delights. Now I'm getting poked with spears and called fat but hey, its hard to maintain a six pack when your experiencing personal tradegy. 

Having an injury that necessitates an extended hiatus from training is like having a piece of your identity ripped from your soul. Not like ripping a band aid either. It’s more like the slow torturous ripping that ensues when mobsters pull out that roll of surgical knives and neatly lay it in front of a tied up victim. Or for the low budget, less meticulous crowd, like the bathroom scene from the Scare face movie. It’s gruesome and torturous.

Not once did I worry about the medical care. I was in fact, undergoing some serious medical treatment in a 3^rd world country, using free health care. I was too worried about my "immediate problems". About getting kicked out, about losing my fighter status, and not having money. There is a shared bond between people that suffer together during training so not being able to train left me dejected. Fighting is like speaking a universal language and I was slowly losing the ability to connect with my surroundings. 


I didn't have time to be scared. I was too worried about trying to be useful or dealing with a myriad of problems that presented themselves on a daily basis like trying to figure out how to get to the multiple hospitals and doctors that were juggling around my case.  It took me 3 months to learn Portuguese when I arrived in Rio, and after a week of refusing to venture past my room or the gym in Curitiba, it took me 1 week to learn the complicated bus system that took you from the remote suburbs into the city. I learned both the same way. Pure necessity.

As with must things in life I never know where I’m going. I just head in the general direction and ask. Then I ask again, and again. Switching from bus to bus, until I finally head up in the designated line. Going to the doctor is free. All of the ensuing exams were free too. 

I lost my phone so I'm short on pictures. One of the places 

in Sao Jose where I like

On doctors days, I leave home around 5:30 A.M. and get back for a late lunch. I’ve learned tricks. If you ask questions you can save yourself up to an hour. Apparently it takes them an hour or two to write down a date on a piece of paper, this can be avoided by asking the doctor a question or two which leaves time for one of the many… what I assume to be medical students, to scribble something down on a paper (you then take this paper to schedule another appointment which should land you in the 4^th line of the whole process).

Note on medical students 1: There is always an extra jackass or two that needs to shine a bright light in your eye as he shadows the doctor. You get what you pay for, and this is for free. 

Note one medical students 2: I have seen a ridiculous amount of sexy doctors here in Brazil. It wasn’t till my 5^th or 6^th trip to the hospital that it occurred to me that they are good looking because they are my age, somewhat unsettling.

The doctors know me by name. They think I’m quite funny. A tiny little girl, with a weird accident, who came to a 3rd world country to fight…like with fists.

My first stop on my odyssey was to a local emergency room in Sao Jose… aka Nowhere. My eye had been bugging me for a couple weeks, but I resisted going to the doctor a. because its hard to get to and b. because I waited until after a scheduled boxing fight I had. The doctor asked me what was wrong and after listening intently to my response his only reply was, “yeah but why do you talk like that?”. He then ambled off down the hallway making phone calls on his cellphone (to another doctor I believe) and joking with his coworkers because not only do I talk like a gringa, but I have a very similar name to a roided up Brazilian model. Silacoid… silacoided… these should possibly be considered for terms to describe Brazilian women with too much silicon AND steroids in their body… but yeah that’s Nicole Bahls a silacoided t.h.o.t if you will. 

Its to cold to be slutty in Curitiba

Anti THOT weather

Anyway… after he had his shits and giggles, he gave me a piece of paper and told me to head to another hospital in the city (within two hours). Like I said, as with most things in life I have no idea where I’m going, I just head in the general direction, in this case: the exit. Exits are a good place to start when embarking on any journey, as they are generally equipped with reception and/or security. They kindly directed me out the door to the left until it dead-ended, then instructed me to bust another left and search for a bus stop.

2 1/2 hours, 4 buses, and a million “desculpa me pode informar onde fica”s later I was ascending a hill (in an area that lacked any of the tell tale signs of a “city”) to the university hospital. I was late and deeply regretting the fact that I was wearing polo boots (socialized health care tips: wear sneakers and always bring a sweatshirt or jacket. If you don’t like standing bring a foldable chair).

I left my house at 7 A.M. with boxing gloves and hand wraps expecting to score some eye drops and get into training by 3 P.M. I returned home well after 6 with orders to immediately stop training and return to a different hospital in a weeks time.

When I returned the 1^st doctor passed me off to a second, together they prodded me with bright lights, while scribbling notes.

When they finished they turned to me wearing stone faced serious expression. There was 3 or 4 of them headed by someone that may have been a few years older than me. A motley crew of students trying to assimilate the decorum of their profession was about to render me my fate. 

The words every fighter fears, “You can’t fight”.

So, cliché.

Explanations ensued. They were very adamant.

Severe damage to my retina. Blindness, grave, serious, and something, that when lost in translation sounded like silicon eye were repeated over and over again!

Heart and blood tests, more hospitals, buses, and more early morning check ups. A pain in the ass, but on the bright side it was all for free (take that obama care).

Had I been in the U.S. I would have refused to pay the $20 co-pay, I hate the doctor, so I wouldn’t have gone. I would have fought (mma) and I would probably be a couple grand in debt (by couple I mean more like 10s of thousands) and potential blinded by a fully detached retina. Taking that into consideration, I really can’t complain about climbing out of my house in the freezing, rain at 5:30 in the morning to get down with a little free health care (I had to climb several times because torrential rain took out the power thust the ability to open the gate).

Girls from the social project where PRVT teaches Muay Thai.

I've been teaching a women's Muay Thai class to pass the time 

since I can't train. 

It’s been two months, almost three. My eye is getting better and my vision is clearing. My next appointment is next week. Hopefully, I’ll be cleared to go back to training (especially since I’ve been going back to training).

Being in Rio has been therapeutic. Being back on the mats to drill has been a blessing. It seems like every black belt that I have made a connection with over the last two years decided to show up at the social project my first days back. I’ve been able to get a good 5 (free) private lessons so far from the OGs of my Jiu Jitsu career, the original group of people that pulled me off my back (cause I spent a lot of time just chilling and side control). They encouraged and helped me as I stumbled through my first classes and competitions and have helped me piece together a recovery work out regiment.

This stand up dude jamming in the background has been my go to guy for 

anything Curitibana.  He dragged his ass out of bed at 5 A.M. the two days I needed someone 

to go to the hospital with me and has been partaking in my random

endeavours ever since I met him in a part one day!

So much love and respect goes to the following people…

Mestre Parana from PRVT who took me in, gave me a place to stay, Muay thai Classes to teach, and is constantly huslting to make things happen for me in MMA. Terere, Birrinho, and Nogueira from FT/Cantagalo. Vlademir from Ribeiro BJJ. Achilles, Rodrigo, and Nabala from Checkmat. Perninha from Gordos and of course Dennis Asche from Connection Rio BJJ Hostel who was my safety net for moving here to Brazil. Connection Rio BJJ Hostels has, although often inadvertently, been a major supporters for Terere Kids Project. And of course, I can’t end without giving a special thanks and shout out to Rob O’Heran from MiKiDo Martial Arts in VA. A lot of people deal with me, but few actually understand. Especially since they don’t live the life, but Rob has been a great long distance coach, editor and therapist. Thanks for helping me stay centered on my pigmies!

Curitiba High Life

I met this dude while getting my hair done. He was

chilling at the Dread shop trying to acquire the funds 

to go compete in a competition that was in a different 

city later that day. 

From the Connection Rio Hostel to the PRVT Brothel

Ok so its not a brothel, but Ludas (gladiator training school) just didn’t have that poetic ring to it so yeah….

Almost two years ago I arrived in Rio, with no Portuguese or Jiu Jitsu skills and no clue what I was lay ahead of me. Now, I’m in Curitiba, about to start a new stage, which will hopefully lead me home… with a nice MMA record and even more hopefully, signed to Invicta FC. Either way, I’ll actually be fighting for a change, which was not happening while I was training at Nova Uniao.

Day 1 in Curitiba.

I woke up to the sounds of voices rattling off numbers. I opened my eyes, taking in the gleaming white canvas of the boxing ring that was parallel with my mattress. Well, actually, I have no idea whose mattress it was, but it served its purpose.

Sleeping ringside

I reached out and touched the canvas, an act of reverence or maybe just a way to ground myself amidst the tumult of continuous sacrifice and uncertainty. The numbers and voices slowly began to form intelligible sequences. Weight. That’s right. I rolled out of bed (literally), stumbled to my feet and peeled off the majority of my clothes. I mumbled a good morning, in what I believe to be Portuguese and ambled off to the back of the gym in search of a scale.

One of the many uncertain variables in my life was an MMA fight, supposedly some two weeks away. I had been told weeks ago while I was still in Rio trying to get my life condensed into 2 suitcases and ready to move that I should come ready to fight at 52K (115lb). When cutting weight, its important to weigh yourself in the morning before eating or drinking anything. This is your true weight and from there you know how much you can eat, how much to work, and how much rest you can enjoy on any given day. My actual weight class is 105 lbs, I haven’t fought at 115 since losing to UFC Strawweight Tecia Torres at IKF some 3 years ago.

Once I checked my weight I scurried back to my bed in search of my clothes. Curitiba is too damn cold. In the favelas of Rio it is not uncommon to find me running around in sports bra and shorts. Its too damn hot in Rio to be constantly washing sweaty shirts, especially when you are constantly climbing up and down stairs. I can take a punch to the face, but I can’t deal with the cold to save my life.

I arrived in Curitba on a weekend so I had a few days to hang out around the gym before getting in any training on Monday. Since my last visit to Curitiba the gym had expanding and acquired two new inhabitants. Mariana Morais, from Invicta FC, and Istela Nunes, a bad ass Muay Thai fighter with 45-3 record, who had just returned from Thailand. There was now an extra room in the back from these two and what would become a separate apartment for Priscila Souza. Priscila, a native of Rio, has been fighting for PRVT for two years now and after her upcoming fights this summer will be bringing her two daughters to live with her at the gym. Mestre Parana, has apparently been scouring Brazil in search of top female talents and recruiting them to the team. That is, after all, how I ended up living here in Curitiba in the middle of nowhere.

I will take this time to note that I don’t actually live IN Curitiba. I live in the desolate, deserted, dreary metropolitan area of Curitiba, or Sao Jose da Pinhais. There is a whole lot of nothing here, and I’m dependent on other people to get from place to place, which sucks. BUT, I’m here for the promise of fights not to have a good time. Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice.

My stay at the gym was short lived, as they don’t have a stove, and I was spending mad skrilla eating in the street. So, Monday after training, I packed my limited things and went to the house that Parana rents for the fighters so that I could use the stove and wash my clothes. (Due to a major incident at the airport and subsequent breakdown, I only have half the luggage I was traveling with… and not the half that contained my boxing gloves, tennis shoes, or UNDERWEAR! God do I want my underwear!). 

Skip through a few days, some normal training, me getting my head shoved into fences, and thrown on the ground, blah blah this that and now on to:

Day 5 in Curitiba

Its now Wednesday and my bags are still packed and shoved into random nooks and crannies in an incredibly overcrowded room that I’m sharing with two guys. There are two single beds and a potent smelling queen sized mattress that gets throw down in the middle at night, claiming every last inch of floor space that remains. Thankfully, I used to live at Connection Rio, in a house with give or take 25 male fighters and one other Nicole. I had to share a room with 5 other guys plus a multitude of damp kimonos, so cramming into a room with only two other people is kind of luxurious for me.

I'm counting on this kid not speaking English and therefore, 

never clicking the link and knowing I took this picture...

and then made it public!

My fight that was scheduled for the 16^th of August fell through. Apparently the girl and the money weren’t right, so nothing was finalized. Parana, however, wastes no time and is already looking for another fight. In the mean time, Mariana Morais who is signed with Invicta FC will be... or has signed the contract for her first fight. I'm not sure if it's been announced, so more on Mari's fight camp in a future post. Until then check out some of me playing with a camera! 

My new crib... big switch up from the favelas of Rio

Istela with a vicious head kick... 

I choked her out yesterday so I'm definitely going to be watching out for this baby flying at my head! 

Southbound and down: stressed and stranded

There is nothing like being in a 3rd world country with 25 dollars... No I'm sorry, worse, 25 Reais. Except maybe being trapped in your small favela "studio apartment" as rain pours down infiltrating the pourous cemenet that is your ceiling.

It was Sunday and I was furiously looking for my plane ticket confirmation in my email... Or at least the receipt to prove that I had dished out the money in the first place. Naturally I had waited til the lasy minute to realize I had NO CLUE where my ticket was for my 7 A.M. flight that was leaving the next morning.

I was pissed off and tired. I was beyond broke and extremely stressed. I had spent the better part of the weekend running around the favela selling a few odds and ends at the boxing gym and to the corner boys to accumulate some spending money. I had, in fact, been quite successful thanks to the fact that my boxing coach includes hustling and whoring in with my bag work and normal boxing training.

Note: by whoring I mean I have to look like a girl... Get my hair done, paint my nails, smell like Victorias Secret, and stop wearing clothes that make me look like a dude.

Well, he would also like if I would find a boyfriend and destress myself but... See last blog post for more on THAT issue!

So, I hustled up a little over R100 but had to immediately front it to pay competition fees for the the kids at Terere KidsCuritiba. The actual sponsorship wouldn't arrive until Monday, leaving me to fly to Curitiba with R25.

After an hour or so I was finally able to secure my electronic ticket and I surrendered myself to my sad excuse of a bed, curling up into a ball to avoid the water that was drip dropping down by my feet.

Cut to a week later
(Details of my black out week to come)

There I was crying in a corner in of the airport with $2.50 in my pocket and my last $150 in the bank. It was money for food and for the kids snack program... Money that would hold me over til i got paid next week.

It was however not nearly enough money to pay for the $200 rebooking fee and it was almost exactly what I would need to buy a 18 hour bus ticket back to Rio... Leaving me with no money for food.

Amazingly, my phone went off. My internet never works it takes all of 5 minutes out of wifi for me to reach my daily limit and my phone to be blocked. Whether im using it or not. Another perfect example of how Brazilian governement allows companies to rob and rape thw Brazilian people... And then you wonder why everyone is getting stabbed up! Im american and I can barely make ends meet. Poor brazilians are left with virtually no options so shanking and robbing comes naturally since the alternative is starvation...

Yeah, so, my phone went off and it was one of my former students from DC, currently unemployed and unloved by his less than affectionate mother. It was like the damned advising the damned and I had to admit that the irony of the situation turned my tears into laughter... And to any onlookers probably completed a portrait of a crazy gringa having a breakdown in the airport.

Then came that dreadful text...
"You have reached 80% of your daily internet and your about to be blocked"

So I grabbed my bags, said my goodbyes, and withdrew the last of my money
Before begrudgingly paying the R20 to return to the gym that I had been sleeping at for the week.

Everything happens for a reason!

That was the mantra that I kept repeating to myself as I fought back tears of frustration. There had to be a reason I was still hear, wasting money I didnt have. I told myself not to stress, after all Nicki Minaj says the faster you spend it the faster you get it back... And seriously, how can you doubt the infallible wisdom of one of hiphops biggest female MCs.

So what have I learned from this?
Nothing. Not a damn thing! Im sorry if you were looking for some bad ass wisdom on growth and personal enlightenment but nah... Im still waiting on that one.

What resulted from this?
Im moving out of Rio! The only (affordable) way for me to get back to Rio is to purchase a round trip ticket). I was planning on moving anyway, but I could have moved in with teammates in Rio and put it off for a couple of months, using my hatred for cold whether as an excuse to enjoy running around half naked on the picturesque beaches of Copacobana. (Curitiba is the coldest city in Brazil!).

What do I want now?
To move. Even though it will be hard to leave Rio, the favela, the beaches, and my kids (ill be working with them from afar).

To start fighting. Ive been at Nova Uniao for a year and half with no results.

To get my money up. Its time to get paid and get some major sponsors for the project. I dont want the work that Terere has started in the Cantagalo Favela to end when we are both gone! I want to go home this year, with some kids from the social project, to visit my family and compete.

In short:
Grinding is agonzing but gratifiying.
If you want to live the dream you have to expect a few nightmares now and then.