On Dating in Brazil: Sex On the Beach

“Hey Rasta Girl!”

 So I’m walking along Ipanema beach, trying to stretch my legs a little while I nurse a few injuries before heading to work at the Project when…

“Hey Rasta Girl!”

This was not said man’s first attempts to get my attention. A couple feet back I had heard the familiar cat calls but remained intent on listening to the DC trap music that was making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside with thoughts of home.

Homesickness has been gnawing away at my insides more than I would like to admit, and my hiatus from fighting is not helping. Taking walks along the beach that is 3 blocks away from the Favela where I live is a good reminder of how bad-ass my life is and how not homesick I should feel.

But…

My therapy was interrupted by this man, apparently so attracted by my dreadlocks, that he felt the need to come running off the beach after me.

And then he starts “the spiel”. 

Brazilians are known for their amazing asses, their exotic language, their beautiful beaches, and their godlike, steroid induced, out of this world abs… they are NOT, however, known for their originality, so I generally find myself rejecting the same lame sexual advances time and time again.

Within 5 minutes of meeting this strange man that was BBQing on the beach with a blonde girl and another person that I paid zero attention to, he offered me food, a joint, and… an orgy (with the blonde and/or two other girls). WTF, where do people get off nonchalantly offering sex to strangers as if it were exchanging business cards! How is that socially acceptable, better yet, how has that become the "norm". 

I used to joke around and say if people want to date me they best come correct and bring a resume. Well, Dude came correct and wasted no time in dropping his credentials. A black belt from Gracie Barra, Gordo Jiu Jitus… name drop here, name drop there, and so on. It’s a small world because I actually know Gordo as well. Then he began to elaborate on a menu of women, 3 to be specific, that he had to dish up if I was one of those people that "preferred that kind of thing".  I wasn’t impressed by his resume or anything else he had to offer, so I scurried away, popping my headphones back in my ear as I reflected on the situation that I had just escaped (oh we are now Facebook friends though).

Longboarding around Ipanema. 

For fun and because I have no car!

Dating in Brazil is somewhat of a nightmare. Conversations like the previous one are not an anomaly, as Brazilians tend to be very straightforward in their sexual intentions, wasting no time in trying to get what they want. They circumvent unnecessary dating rituals like dinner and movies and go straight for, “Oh, you live alone, can I come by”.

Women, in turn, have acquired their own defense mechanism, demanding money. If men have lost the art of romance and the ability to swoon, fine. That leaves women to just straight up ask for what they want. Money to maintain hair, nails, bikini waxes (this is Brazil after all), and whatever other random desire they may dream up.

Flying kites in Galo...

3 blocks from the beach

So, yeah, romance has been reduced to a financial transaction. Sex something that a mutually beneficial act between two parties. Love has become obsolete.

In most cases…

If it wasn’t for my homeboy Birrin that spent HOURS and HOURS on end video chatting his MRS and 1yr old daughter during our recent trip to Brasileiros in South Paulo, I might have lost faith in men in general. 

Around the Way...

Live from the Cantagalo Favela

A Seneagalese wrestler staying at Connection Rio

Stopped by the Cantagalo Favela to show us some of his moves

Random stuff often happens in the Favela

Padre Nuestro... Our Father... 

6 Pack Attack: The Nico Ball Diet

Everybody gets on me about the way I eat... or the way I always walk around with no shirt... So I thought I'd lay down a little insight on diet and try to be educational for once.

Weigh in pics at 118lbs (left), 108lbs (top), and 110 lbs

Diet makes all the difference. 

Remember when you were in middle school and you used to do those math equations that were like….

“If Sally has 2 green shirts, 1 blue shirt, and one pair of jeans, how many different outfits can sally make?”

Well that’s what the “Nico Ball Diet” is like… I mean, really its how every fighter and body builder here in Brazil eats. “Chicken and sweet potatoes” is the key to achieving what Brazilians call “being dry” or cut or ripped or just down right sexy!

Drying out, it should be noted, is different than bulking up.  The goal is to develop more muscular definition and functionality as opposed to full on mass.

The magical diet combination includes: Chicken breasts, sweet potato, whole grain rice, and whole grain pasta.  You can throw in fish too, but my lack of cooking skills leaves me eating canned tuna, which is filled with sodium and other preservatives.

On top of the basic combination, I eat a ton of fruits and vegetables. Every Tuesday, I go to a farmers market and stock up on a ton of colorful things, some of which I have no idea what they actually are… like Cacui.

But whatever, its healthy.

So basically, all I ever eat is…. Chicken with sweet potatos, egg whites with sweet potatos, chicken with whole grain rice, and tuna with whole grain pasta. Then add in some colors (fruits and veggies) to make it pretty and get the right vitamins and viola… abs

Oh yeah, I forget to mention…. The don’ts

I don’t eat fat or sugar and I cut out any unnecessary sodium and carbs. 

Anyone that truly knows me, knows that I consume and unhealthy amount of coffee with a ridiculous amount of sugar on a daily basis!

Well not anymore! I use honey to substitute sugar and I don’t drink juice or soda. Yeah juice is just as bad as soda must of the time, worse if you consider that fact that it tries to disguise itself as healthy. This also means no acai! Whomp whomp! No that’s a lie no one goes with no Acai but I only have 1 a week, if not every two weeks. So basically all I drink is water and supplements, AAAAND, I make a lot of natural juices with fresh fruit (and spinach) when my body can’t bare any more water intake!

Fruits, veggies, and a ton of vitamins!

Nothing frozen, nothing processed! 

One of my friends even has me drinking (and even worse, enjoying) beat and carrot juice. I throw in some cucumber to sweeten it up which is ok. What isn’t ok is putting in orange. It’s a really common to find the combination of beats, carrots, and oranges, but apparently, the acidity from the oranges messes with the nutrient absorption of the beats and carrots, so you end up gaging down beats for no reason!

Beats, Spinach, and Carrts baby!

No fats! 

That means I don’t eat butter! I’m sure there are many other things that fall under this category but butter is the big one. I cook with olive oil (because I can’t afford coconut oil). The only kind of cheese I eat is “quejo minas”. I’m not a foodie, so, I can’t explain why this cheese is the only kind of cheese I can eat, but whatever, I do as I’m told. I have heard from a friend that quejo minas forms a big part of the Gracie diet as it balances out the acidic levels from the massive amounts of fruits the Gracies try to shove down your throat! From a more practical perspective… cheese is yummy especially when you can’t put butter, salt, or ketchup on stuff to get some of that good old American super-processed taste that I know and love!

No turn up!

This means that I can never, ever drink! Ever! Between the desire for amazing abs and the fact that I compete Jiu Jitsu every month, I pretty much annihilated my alcohol tolerance. Alcohol in itself is bad for the body as it causes dehydration and lowers blood sugar, which in turn, lowers athletic performance.

But all science aside,  take into consideration my sport of choice: MMA. Ever get punched in the liver when it’s filled with Henny? It hurts… a lot. Your capacity to deal with a hard body shot is increased incredibly when your liver isn’t busy trying to save you from alcohol poisoning!

Get Hip

Gym Jones and its founder Mark Twight are famous for sculpting the sexy beasts from the movie 300. His philosophies on working out and fitness are definitely worth checking out if you are a serious athlete!

The physical work is not enough, if your only paying attention to your training and your recovery YOUR NOT DOING ENOUGH!!! No amount of hard work can balance out diet deficiencies! 

I come here every Tuesday to buy my 

fruit. We talk about fighting and he 

feeds me! 

UFC Porto Alegre Fight Camp

Priscila Souza, Jessica Andrade (UFC), Mariana Morais (Invicta FC),

Me, and Jady Menezes @ Nobre Arte in the Cantagalo Favela

The first time I met Jessica Andrade, per usual, I had no idea who she was. In fact, I thought she was a guy. She walked into Nobre Arte sporting long board shorts, a loose T-shirt and a Torque snapback that hid her long hair. When she pulled off her hat and I realized I was looking at (a short) female, I had to laugh to myself. I get a lot of comments when my dress strays from the average skin tight Brazilian work out apparel... most of said comments are directed not towards my style, but my sexuality. Its refreshingly American to see a girl in baggy clothes.

Exhibit A: Girls don't dress like this in Brazil

Reppin' V for Vitafor my new supplement sponsor.

That day I was so exhausted from sparring that I couldn't even stay for the class. Rubens, my trainer made some kind of comment about who she was as he walking over towards me smiling down at a picture he just took with her, but I brushed it off. All I could think about was my protein and BCAA waiting for me at home.

It wasn't until I got home and got some chicken and sweet potatos in me (fighters in Brazil only ever eat chicken and sweet potatoes) that I had the energy to google the giberish that Rubens had been calling this baggy pants wearing girl.

"Batty taca" or something.

...Or, ya know, UFC's 10th ranked Bantam weight, "Bate Estaca" thats Portuguese for "Pile Driver". Real name being Jessica Andrade. I knew exactly who she was once I saw the real name. She made headlines in 2013 for facing off against Liz Carmouche in one of the first UFC bouts with two openly gay fighters.

As a general rule, especially after Junior Dos Santo's  wife got mad at me,  I try not to take pictures with any of the UFC fighters that I run across. I'd prefer to be in the UFC with them as opposed to just posing in an Instagram picture next to them, so my focus is always more on watching their training habits rather than hounding them for photos.

But whatever... most of my friends don't realize running into UFC fighters in Brazil is like getting mosquito bites; its inevitable and sometimes really annoying (because they have cameras and you didn't do you makeup).

So, the second time I saw her, I took a picture for Instagram.

It wasn't until the 3rd time that she showed up to Nobre Arte for a sparring session that I became interested enough to climb out of my shell and talk to her little posse. Jessica trains in Curitiba at Parana Vale Todo (PRVT) under Guilliard Parana. She was in Rio as part of her all female training camp in preparation for UFC Porto Alegre on February 22nd where she will be facing off with Marion Reneau. She came to Rio with 5-6 girls from other events like Invicta FC in the US and XFC here in Brazil to do the boxing portion of her camp with Master Claudio.

The sparring session started and Jessica was one of the first in the ring (There is only one ring and two people fighting at all times. All sparring happens under the watchful eye of of Claudio). One by one the girls that came with her went into the ring. Behind them went the guys. Even people that came in late went in, while I stood there in my headgear trying to stay warm and un agitated by the long wait. I wanted to get in the ring, but I've been conditioned in Jiu Jitsu to never ask a higher belt to train. Similarly, if Claudio was going to have standing there waiting forever, then I was going to wait patiently and try to pick apart every mistake that everyone made as they entered one by one like I had been instructed to do by Rubens.

Interestingly enough I noticed that in 45 minutes of sparring Andrade didn't through a single straight punch (jab or straight right). This intrigued me because like I said before she's pretty short and I was interested to see how she would close the distance between herself and a much larger opponent. Closing the distance in a fight is hard for me, especially with some of the taller guys that Master Claudio matched me up with.

Well, apparently, I have been over thinking the whole issue because she just lowers her head, keeps her eyes up, and goes in swinging to the body like a lunatic.

Jessica Andrade

Ridiculously effective! 
I know because I tried it when I finally got to go in against one of Jessica's fellow 135 pounders. She had a hard right hand but I was definitely able to use the Andrade whirlwind technique to close distance. Picking up on that little gem made meeting her totally worth the while.

And to think. I was going to skip training that day and lounge around in my bed...

The last round in sparring. All out for 30 seconds.

I've been spending a ridiculous amount of time at Nobre Arte

BCAA's thanks to Vitafor Supplements

Machina Boxing

Philadelphia founded...

Universally loved...

Bloodbaths and Social Projects

My first week back at the social project after the Christmas/ New years festivities ended with a 9 year old breaking down the logistics of blood baths for me.

"There's a dead body and then, when they take it away, it leaves a ton a blood."

If I found the information unsettling, I can only blame myself. I had, after all, I had taken it upon myself to question the kid about the recent shooting that happened in my neighborhood.

He had come back after training to retrieve his forgotten house keys and I ran into him as I was leaving the project to head to the beach before bed. He was wearing shorts and some worn flip flops that were a little big on him. He choose to leave his shirt home that day but he was rocking a cell phone clipped to his thigh that made his pants sag down. He was only 9, but his attire and his attitude made him appear much older. He walked around Ipanema as if he owned it, twirling his key between his fingers and greeting people that worked on the streets as he walked by.

"So, have you ever seen one before?", I inquired.
This prompted a small explanation about how to climb over and/or skirt a blood bath. Keeping in mind that the narrow and uneven streets of the favela provide prime conditions for the pooling of water and/or blood. Given enough rain, some streets can turn into small rivers... or waterfalls. I have friends that live in places that have been deemed unsafe due to the potential for dangerous exposure to water or falling debris.

Police shootings and bloodbaths are things of movies to me, so it was somewhat disturbing to have a little kid talk about them as if he was telling me about doing his homework. We stumbled across the topic of bloodbaths because there was a shooting at the beginning of the week in our neighborhood. I heard a lot of rumors concerning the shooting death of  a cop, a dealer, and/or some kids.

So in order to clear up some doubts and kill some time while we were walking I decided to ask the little kid... cause I mean, kids and drunks always tell the truth...

it's just generally hard to understand...

This is the bonde car that takes residents higher up into the favela

The last station, station 6, is a place known as Vietnam

From what I gathered, a dealer, known as Playboy, was buying snacks by the Bonde Station (this is a cable car that goes up into the higher regions of the Pavao). The news said the dealer started shooting and that two people were hospitalized in the crossfire. My little friend refuted this, however, saying the cop shot first because of the law. His comment about the law was very interesting because I believe he was referring to the favela law and something pertaining to the rules of shooting at cops. I assume this rule would be something along the lines of not killing cops as to avoid war... or re-pacification... or basically BOPE coming in here and killing everything that goes bump in the night. Kids are good a regurgitating hard facts, but getting them to elaborate on detailed concepts like favela law is pushing it. So I ended my line of questioning and he switched the topic back to jiu jitsu.

I was correct, however, in assuming that he would know what was up. No matter who shot first the results remain the same: the dealer, Playboy, and two kids were killed in the shooting. The cop was not killed, although he may have been injured.

Although Cantagalo is a pacified favela, incidents like this one are not uncommon. There is a serious lack of infrastructure inside of the favela's to keep kids occupied and off the streets. They don't have playgrounds here and their soccer courts are concrete squares littered with trash and shit from stray animals. The educational system is a joke in this country so kids have a ridiculous amount of time to roam the streets. Thats were social projects come into play...

This would be me getting searched by the police 

with all of the kids from the social project behind me. 

I was PISSED!!! 

Cantagalo is actually replete with social projects. In addition to Terere’s project (that is actually at the bottom of the favela in Ipanema), there is a checkmat gym and another unaffiliated Jiu jitsu gym on the hill. They also have a huge building called Crianca esperanca that houses several social programs including the Nobre Arte boxing gym. 

The main social project I have been working with, Terere Kids Project, has grown substantially in the last year. Every month we receive donations via PayPal that I use to pay for kids competition fees. Competitions here can be kind of pricey! More importantly, we have been getting access to more kimonos! A kimono is key to training Brazilian jiu jitsu, however, they do tend to be quite expensive! With help from a friend I Ain't No Saint we have been able to get more gis!

Lets stop here and comment that this is the man’s legal name. Iaint Nosaint. The “T” is silent giving the Iaint a pronunciation similar to that of the name “Ian”.  I was particularly excited to meet this individual because silent letters are a pet peeve of mine! Kat Williams once asked, “When, I mean seriously, WHEN will you ever use a silent letter in your personal life”.

Rio 2014 would be the answer to the question!

So yeah getting back to the point. I Ain’t No Saint may not be saintly but he is a philanthropist and has donated quite a substantial amount of money to the kids of Cantagalo favela. Not only to ensure that our little ones look fresh in their new Cascagrossa Kimonos, he also dishes out skrilla on a monthly basis to keep Moicano, one of our sponsored athletes, killing people on the mats with his damn berimbolo.

Kimonos sent from to the project via USA

We were recently able to acquire 20 kids kimonos from Cascagrossa to give out to little ones that want to start training or just try out a class. So now, when I walk through the streets, everyone is always asking me about training jiu jitsu or how to get kimonos. In addition to the kids kimonos, the project relies heavily on used kimonos donations for the bigger kids as well. Guests from Connection Rio hostel in Barra da Tijuca have been very helpful in supplying A1 kimonos for the older kids. 

People often ask me why I don't move closer to Nova Uniao. Cantagalo is not the nicest favela in Rio but it is home, and I don’t want to leave my kids. Its nice to know that you have an impact on the community that you live in (no matter how small that impact may be). Galo may have its negative aspects; it’s not the cleanest favela for example. Well, actually, it’s more like the dirtiest favela I’ve seen, with the most openly blatant trafficking. It is, however, not too violent compared to other places like Rocinha or Complexo Alemao and the people here are incredibly nice. Despite having to hop over shit and around dealers, I feel at home here, and I don’t want to lose that. 

So Bloodbaths or not. Galo is home.

Favela Jiu Jitsu

The new Terere DVD set is coming out soon! You can preorder on the Budo Videos website. Definitely worth the money especially since I did all of the translating!!!!

Check out the preview for another look at the Cantagalo favela