10 Things You Only See in Brasil

1. Work Out Onsies

I present to you the work out onsie... a phenomena that is invading gyms across Rio. I'm not sure why it's become so popular, seeing as it seems entirely impractical for exercise and even hard to go to the bathroom in. Most of them have little in terms of a back side  which makes me wonder where ladies that sport these are getting their support from (the picture below is an exception, but seriously that zipper could really hurt if you were laying on your back). I can only conclude if you are wearing one of these then you are not really working out...

 Not only to they look impractical they come in an assortment of bright colors and are generally accompanied by more brightly colored flash dancesque socks. These socks go about halfway up the calves and are considerably worse and less stylish then the popular "cross fit" socks. Again I'm not sure why they have become so popular as it's so hot in Brasil I generally try to work out in the least amount of clothes possible!

2. Wheel Chairs
I've had the pleasure to go to the hospital several times in Brasil (not for anything serious) and must say that unlike the American system it is quite easy to get medical care with no health insurance here. However, with every socialized health care system there will always be drawbacks. In Brazil's case they have decided to economize in the area of wheel chairs. This metal contraption below is a wheel chair....

Then again, hospitals are for emergencies and for the sick, it would be frivolous to spend the people's taxes on luxury seating. If you're looking for a comfortable place to sit down in Brazil you will be happy to know that instead of spending money revamping hospitals, they have invested quite a bit of money in swag seats for the World Cup 2014.

3. Anti-Theft Cellphones
I got this baby my first month here in Brazil for around 60 bucks. It comes complete with a radio and camera! What the picture doesn't show is that it is pink as well making it not only practical, but stylish! This phone brings me back to my middle school days when I would try to text under my desk. I think the best part of the phone is that you can put 4 SIM cards in it (I currently have two). Why would you need 4 SIM cards?? Because it's damn near impossible to make a friggin phone call here!

Making a phone call requires some kind of magical sequence of "0", "9", and sometimes a "21" or "41" before whatever number you are supposed to call. If you are calling someone out of the state sometimes (most times) it doesn't work, sometimes it does. If you are calling a landline, sometimes it doesn't work, sometimes it does. If you are calling someone with the same chip as you... I think thats the only time that it actually works. Sometimes I spend like 20 minutes trying to make a phone call. The best part is that they charge you for all the times that it DOESN'T work. They even charge you to check your voice mail. This is really annoying since its generally the phone companies that call and leave voice messages, I once spent like 10 minutes trying to figure out how to check my voice mail and it was a stupid message about promotions from the phone company. Needless to say, I have never checked a voice mail since.

4. Gatos (also known as death via electricity)
Gato is Portuguese for cat... hot girl/guy... and this electrical monstrosity. Now I've seen this in the Dominican Republic as well as in the favelas of Brazil. This is the electrical set up outside my house. The electrician responsible for this I believe works at the bar below my house. One time when someone took a really hot shower for a long time the power went out in the house. The guy at the bar fixed it, but ever since we only get about 3 minutes of hot water in the showers (see more about showers here below). It's a strange and confusing system. The even stranger part is that we PAY for electricity, at least in the Dominican Republic when I had to deal with this the electricity was stolen....

The electrical set up outside of my front door... complete with 

a wooden broom handle

Another electrical wonder here in Brasil is the medal ladder against live electrical wires. This one I dedicate to my good friend Martin who came to visit from Ireland. Upon seeing this for the first time he literally stopped and stared at it for a good 5 minutes. If someone could explain how this doesn't result in immediate death, I would highly appreciate that!

5. Showers or lack there of....
It's not just a shower, its not just a bathroom, it's... it's... damn I had something for this. Whatever, it's an odd combination of the two of them together. This is common in Favelas and um... I don't know, other small spaces.

 The shower head it to the top right next to the sink, leaving a space about the width of my hips to take a shower. Most of the bathroom gets wet when showering, so finding a safe place to put your clothes and towel can be quite annoying. Once you've accomplished that task and are ready to proceed with the shower, there is only hot water for about 3 minutes. Afterwards, there is a click and then its cold water! Cold showers, no matter how hot it is, are never enjoyable! The shower comes complete with a squiggy because you have to mop the floor when you're done because obviously, you have just gotten the entire bathroom wet! I've said it before and I'll say it again, Nova Uniao has the best showers in all of Brazil! I do anything I can to avoid showering at home.

6. Siestas
People sleep everywhere here in Brasil. I've seen this man below sleeping on his cart, I've seen workers sleeping on the side walk, I've seen delivery guys sleeping on motorcycles, and women sleeping alone in semi-deserted streets (because, seriously, that seems safe). I'm not sure why but it is quite normal for people to plop down anywhere and take a little nap.

My good friend Nicole had the amazing opportunity to encounter a bus driver that decided to nap at all of the red lights! Apparently, he had to be woken up several times, one time he was asleep long enough to cause a traffic jam. 

7. Luzis (at least thats what they tell me it's called)
I love this kid, but unfortunately he is fallen victim to what I would call one of the worst trends to hit Brazil. I'm not quite sure where the recent obsession with people doing this to their hair came from. I'm pretty sure there is some rapper that came up with this ridiculous trend and now its catching on in Favelas everywhere. On top of blonde poka dots, it is also popular to dye blonde designs into your hair, mainly initials, but I had the pleasure to see one guy rocking  huge weed leaf on the back of his head.

Oh and since I brought up rappers... I feel like I should take some time to mention Funky and the Quandradinho. The Quandradinho is the way that Brazilians dance to Funky (Brazilian Rap). It involves moving your butt around in a circle with 6-8 different points... that's kind of really hard to explain, so take a look at the following video. Not only will you get to experience the Quandradinho (brought to you by preteens), you will also get see the "butterfly" version which gave me nightmares for a couple weeks.

8. Brazilian Bikini Wax
Ok this one proved somewhat hard to get a picture of, so just close your eyes and try to imagine. You've heard of the Brazilian bikini wax right? Well that's not something you can only see in Brazil, you can get that at a spa anywhere in the world but this, this is unique. It's actually the antithesis of the Brazilian Bikini wax. Girls will shave their legs (or not shave at all) up to their knees and then bleach the hair on their thighs blonde causing a shiny effect when hit with direct sunlight. So instead of removing the hair that they have, they are glorifying it.

Its hard to tell but thats a mass of bleached

blonde leg hair. Thanks to Nicole who 

snapped the picture on the bus!

On another note. After moving to Brazil I totally understand why the "Brazilian bikini wax" even exists. It turns out that the average Brazilian bikini is about the size of 4 fingers (that's tiny fingers not like a huge man's fingers). They are, to put it lightly, quite revealing, which would obviously require extensive removal of hair. I'm somewhat horrified by the idea of having to buy a new bathing suit here! And its not only the girls that wear small bathing suits, oh no!! It's not uncommon to find men walking around in sungas. Sunga is American for a tiny, tiny speedo. It's not just young, sexy men that wear sungas, its old men, fat men, skinny men, working men, basically, everyone. And it's not just on the beach either. There is a 5 block radius around the beach where you can encounter this phenomena.

This is 5 blocks away from the beach in a 

residential neighborhood right outside of the metro!

9. Elevators
Every country has elevators, but tell me that last time you have seen an elevator employee in the U.S.? In Brazil they actually hire people to sit in an elevator for 8 hours a day and press a button! Up and down, up and down. It has got to be one of the most boring jobs ever (I have seen worse jobs though).

The worst time to be in the elevator is when kids get off from school. They pack into the elevator and they scream and throw stuff! It's already hot enough here in Brazil, so being packed into an elevator with hot, sweaty kids is not on my list of things to do every day.


10. Fat people need love too!

Look at the picture. Do you see it? I know it's in Portuguese, but do you see it? This sign is found on buses and on the metro here in Rio and it designates the preferential seating on for old people, pregnant people, people with kids, AND obese people. They really give preferential seating to fat people here in Brazil. And not only that it's accompanied but a picture! Ya gotta love that!

MMA- The Other Side of the Mats

Claudinha Galdelha: You want to compete MMA?

Me: Yeah

Cluandinha: Just talk to Dede ( Andre Pederneiras)

Me: (look of horror)

NoGi or Submission class

She said it like it was the easiest thing in the world. You know, just go talk walk up to Andre Pederneiras, tap him on the shoulder, and be like, "Hey I want to fight!"... No big deal really. I mean, half the time I see him at the gym some guy is sticking a camera in his face or interviewing him. Last time I saw him there were cameras all over him and he was running try outs for middle heavy weight spots on the team. So, I decided to go with plan B instead: just keep showing up to training until he notices, or someone tells him about me, or someone at least introduces me to the man! I mean how hard could that be, all I do is train...

Since I've been at Nova Uniao, my goal has been to get on the other side of the mats. What do I mean by the other side? Well, there is one side filled with women and teenagers and people that come to Nova Uniao just because and then there is the other side, filled with huge muscles, six packs, and sweaty guys (and 4 girls) that look like they could rip you apart. The other side is where all the fighters are... the side where you need permission to be on.

This week I've managed to get over to that side for several training sessions! It was actually as easy as going up to Claudinha after one of the normal classes and asking about it. Apparently she makes everything seem easy...

So I get into my first pro training and of course it's a wrestling class because I suck at wrestling. I spent a good portion of the class trying to not to make a fool out of myself. The warm up was easy because thankfully, after so many years of Hess abuse... I mean, training at MiKiDo, carrying around a guy that has 6K on me and trying to do bicept curls with him doesn't actually seem too out of the ordinary. In my head I managed to do alright ( by not making a fool out of myself) and I also picked up some pretty nice tips on arm triangles from Claudinha.

Other highlights from training at Nova Uniao this week:

1. I have bruises on my face (again) from NoGi BUUUT everyone else turned up with black eyes and busted lips the next day so apparently I got off easy.

2. Jose Aldo was in boxing class the other day.... really hard to concentrate on combos when Jose Aldo is right behind you. That was another exercise in trying not to make a fool out of myself!

Jose Aldo and Roberto Leitao

3. That 74 year old man in compression shorts: I had no idea who the man was but he looks like someone's grandfather and then all of the sudden one day I see him strip down to compression shorts and start rolling with the fighters. Everyone calls him Mestre (master) and gives him the utt-most respect, so needless to say, I do the same thing. I have had several conversations interesting conversations with him despite the fact that I have no idea who he is... Well, it turns out, he is the man that invented luta livre, Roberto Leitao. He is apparently still a beast on the mats.

4. I won another gold medal Feb 22nd. I only had one fight and won on points (10-0).  I'm fighting again this weekend, and the next weekend, and the weekend after that as well...

Circuito Minerinha

Interesting links:
Robert Leitao's 10 principles of Luta Livre
Jose Aldo Highlights
Claudinha Galdelha Highlights

Wait... was that Junior Dos Santos?

This week will complete 5 months of me living in Brazil. It's hard to believe that just a couple of months ago I arrived here with two suitcases, my white belt, and no knowledge of the Portuguese language. Now, five months later, I fell in love with Jiu Jitsu, moved to my own place, have 4 gold medals hanging on my bed, and speak fluent(ish) Portuguese. The only thing that been missing in my life over the past few months has been Muay Thai.

So where is the best place to train MMA/ Muay Thai in Rio? Nova Uniao of course...

Nova Uniao is in Flamengo, Rio De Janeiro. Like most other gyms in Rio if you don't know what you're looking for it can be very hard to find because for some unknown reason, they generally don't have signs on the door. Take Gordo's gym for example, Gordo's was located in what appears to be a house with no sign, in the middle of a very affluent neighborhood. How you're supposed to know that it's there is beyond me.

Nova Uniao is slightly easier to find, but it doesn't have a sign either. Its actually located inside of a gym, or like three different gyms all next to each other, that are called Academy Upper. The gym itself is actually pretty swag. They have weights, a pool, a sauna, and three big rooms where they have classes like yoga, capoeira, running (never heard of running classes), TRX training, and circuit training. To train at Nova Uniao you pay US $120 a month (R240) and have access to everything.

The only problem with Nova Uniao is well... that its Nova Uniao, everyone wants to train there. Plus it's easy to access (right by the flamengo metro), so the classes can have 20-30 people of various skill levels (few of them fighters) packed into them. The morning classes and the early Muay Thai classes are generally full, and the later Muay Thai classes that they give 3 days a week are the only ones that have sparring. On the sparring days the trainer will gradually let people go until only the fighters are left. My first day sparring he sent me right to the ring. Considering that mats were packed with about 15-20 people trying to manuever around each other while sparring, being able to have the entire ring to yourself for a round feels like a priviledge. I got the ring from the first three rounds of sparring which was like a blessing. At the end the three rounds almost the entire class had been dismissed with the exception of me and about four other people. I stayed in the ring for 3 more rounds while the trainer, Rafael, watched me fight. Apparently, Muay Thai is like riding a bike, I may have lost some of my cardio doing Jiu Jitsu, but my technique is still on point. On point enough to get offered to fight whenever I'm ready and to get extra training with the fighters outside of the normal classes.

Now it was just a matter of getting on the MMA team as well, which requires approval of the owner Andre Pederneiras

So, about that MMA team...

One morning, I walked downstairs after a Muay Thai class to grab a coffee before going to lift weights when I saw this girl that looked like she could rip me apart walking past (Note: apparently Brazil is filled with these girls, this is actually the reason I lift weights in the first place, there are so many girls that look crazy ripped that compete here). Naturally, I got about as excited as a little kid going to an amusement park, so I dropped my bags and ran back upstairs to figure out what she was doing there and why I wasn't doing it too!

She was, of course, part of the MMA pro team. By the pro team I mean fighters like Jose Aldo, Renan Barao, and Claudinha Galdelha. When I came to Brazil my goal was to train at Nova Uniao... more specifically, to train with Claudinha (who is now in the U.S. filming the new season of TUF). So, I put off getting coffee and sat on the side of the ring to watch them warm up. I was completely lost in my day dreams about how bad I want to spar with this girl, when I looked over to the right of this girl and saw Junior Dos Santos. Like seriously, Junior Dos Santos, I couldn't believe it. I actually didn't believe it, I left there that day thinking  maybe it was just someone that looked like him.

A couple of days later, I'm finishing up another Muay Thai class (no sparring included so of course I'm sad because I wasn't able to punch anyone in the face) and once again the pro team is warming up and sparring on the other side of the gym. After my shower (Nova Uniao has the best showers in all of Brasil) I go sit on the side of the ring to watch them spar like a dejected kid outside of a candy store. Of course, I'm so focused watching them beat the crap out of each other that it took me about 5 minutes to realize that I'm sitting two feet away from Junior Dos Santos (now confirmed through social media that it is really him). It took another 5 minutes for him to put some gloves on and start sparring. He backed the only other guy into the corner without even throwing a punch and then beat on him until the guy's glove flew off. I sat there in awe wondering how long I would be on the ground if I took one of the body shots that he was dishing out to this guy.

Acai with protein from Boomerang Mix

A couple blocks away from Nova Uniao

On my way out of the gym one of the guys from the pro team started talking to me (in English) outside by the water fountain while Dos Santos was getting water. Since I've never talked to him before, nor do I go around flaunting my gringoness, I'm not even sure how he knew I was American... but either way he encouraged me to start taking wrestling and submission grappling classes before going back to training leaving Dos Santos standing alone right in front of me. Not only standing in front of me but looking over curiously since we had been speaking in English.

Instead of jumping up and down and being like OMG! ITS JUNIOR DOS F#@$&*% SANTOS, I just causally said, "oh you train here now?" Yeah smooth right?! I though so at least. I also thought that would be the end of the conversation, but he followed up with his own questions asking my name and where I'm from in the States before going back to training.

So for the SECOND time, I walked out of Nova Uniao feeling like a complete badass... this time minus the bruises all over my face from Ezequial girl.

Note: Ezquial girl, whose name I now know but will make no attempts to spell, is actually really nice despite looking like she could demolish me! 

Training with Terere

Training with Terere

Terere with Connection Rio Sponsored athlete and bad ass

 purple belt Abdallah Nabas

Terere is a cool person to train with because he is fun and always joking around during training. He is great at making everyone in the academy feel like family, whether they are students from the social project or tourists that will only be training a couple of weeks. Nabas scheduled his private lesson on Thursday, the day before Terere was leaving for the Europeans. I was actually surprised that he had time at all before flying out. Again that just goes to show you that he genuinely invests in his students.

Gringo Squad at Terere's Birthday Party

I met Nabas at the elevator that takes you up to the Cantagalo community so I could show him where the house was (and translate during the session). Terere was stuck in traffic so he ended up arriving about 20 minutes late. When we walked up the stairs that lead to his house his dad and mom who were waiting for us outside. His dad took us into the house and showed us up to the last two floors. The second to last floor is home to the new mats that were recently installed (and of course a nice stereo because, seriously, who trains without music?).The last floor is the roof of the house with the famed glass. 

Note: you can see Terere’s house from almost anywhere on my side of the community, his house is at the top of Cantagalo and it’s the only house with a glass railing at the top. In front of the glass on the roof is also the spot where most of his guest pose for pictures when they are invited to over for a BBQ.

The famed glass pictures:

The famed glass with a view of the Morro Pavao~Pavaozinho 

to the left and Copa below on the right. 

Terere's Dad and a student from Switerzland 

who has been staying at Terere's house

Terere and brown belt world champion Vlademir Alves

A lot of people wonder why Terere never moved out of the Favela after becoming so famous, these people have never seen the view from his roof. In front of you, ocean stretches out as far as you can see with cargo ships and cruise liners sailing in the distance. To the right is the Morro of Pavao-Pavaozinho where I live. At night the houses lights up the side mountain and you can always here Brazilian music coming from some distant bar.

From my roof you can see a little piece of the ocean, a basketball court, and a building that is under construction. From Terere’s roof you can see Copacobana, Ipanema, Pedra da Gavea, and Christ the Redeemer in the distance (you can also see my house). Nabas and I pulled up a couple chairs to enjoy the nice view while waiting for Terere. On the surrounding roofs people from the community where flying kites (this answered my question of how the hell they get those kites up so high).

This is somewhere in the CantaGalo community

Picture stolen from Mos (thanks!)

 As soon as he walked in he said hi, turned on the rap music, and started talking about Nabas’s game. Like I said before Terere is really fun to train with because he has such a laid back attitude and he is always laughing, smiling, and joking around, but the Terere that walked in that day was completely different. He spoke fast and formally, stopping frequently to allow me to translate. As he was turning on the (rap) music he started analyzing what Nabas was good at and how he would like to see his Jiu Jitsu evolve. Sometimes when you do private lessons the instructor will ask you what they want to work on, or they will teach positions that they are particularly good at although they may be unrelated to your own style. Terere had a different approach. He analyzed Nabas’s style while watching him roll at the academy and had thought about specific things he wanted to work on with him. (Note: like I said before this was an unscheduled private lesson, Terere could tell you about any of his students, whether they are there for a week or 5 months. He watches and analyzes everyone and always gives great feedback, even when you’re not expecting it or think you’re not being watched). He’s lesson was really competition oriented and he really focused on the mental aspect of rolling, explaining not just the positions, but the different concepts behind them as well.

At the end of the private class it started to pour down rain. Terere made us a protein shake and told us to hang out while he did another private lesson with a friend of his (black belt friend to be specific). It was still raining after that, so we hung out a little longer. Nabas got to roll with the black belt, and since I didn’t have a kimono with me, I sat and played with Terere’s Ipad. Afterwards when the rain let up we all drove down to the academy so he could say goodbye to all his students.

All in all it was a great private lesson, but it also made me realize how much I’m going to miss him the two months while he is gone…

Last training with Terere Before Christmas

Useful Information: 

Academia Fernando Terere

Contact:

Address:Rua Alberto Campos 12, Ipanema RJ, Brazil 

Phone: 3217-4194

Email: FTJiujitsu@hotmail.com

5 BJJ practicioners you should know as a white belt: Fernando Terere 

Terere Highlights

Projeto Arte e Libertade: Choking Out Children

Entrance to the social project. 

One of the major benefits about living in Connection Rio is that there are always people to drill with. Unfortunately, no one likes to drill with a white belt… except maybe my friend Moz. Well, I doubt he likes it, but he deals with me. My other good friend, he isn’t having any of this white belt drilling business! The feeling is mutual though, no one likes to train with white belts and I hate drilling with the higher belts because… well, because I don’t like to look like a twat in front of everyone (Twat: that’s the queen’s English for stupid apparently)!

Ferry ride over to the island

Well I’ve finally found the solution to my drilling fears: experimenting with small children. For the last three months I’ve been going to the social project Arte e Libertade and choking out 12 year olds. Now that might sound messed up, but I don’t feel bad because:

1.     .I just started being able to choke them out
   
   
2.  I said I was choking out 12 year old because the 14 and 15 year olds are choking ME out (in my defense, they’re big 15 year olds)!

So my new form of drilling positions is choking out children.

Beside the readily available supply of children to choke, the project has had an amazing impact on my life and the life of the students that attend classes there.

This would be one of the kids that I am NOT choking out.

Insert spiel about social project:

I started going to the social project in late October after being invited by Perninha, a brown belt that trains at Gordo BJJ (he is the one that is teaching me all these chokes to use on children). I guess after watching me get smashed by all of the bigger people at the academy, he took pity on me and brought me to the island so I would have smaller training partners. The social project has two different children’s classes depending on age, a small Muay Thai class, and then adults Jiu Jitsu. Apart from Perninha the only other person working on at the project is Eduardo Dias, or Tico as we all call him. He is the one that founded the project and it is actually located in his grandmother’s house.

Eduardo Dias AKA Tico

Founder of Projeto Arte e Libertade

When I lived in Barra da Tijuca, the social project Arte e Libertade (art and freedom) wasn’t that far away. Now that I live in Ipanema getting to Gigoia island requires me to take a bus over a mountain, walk down to the Passerala of Barra, and then take a short ferry ride (honestly why there isn’t a bridge to the island is beyond me). When I originally moved to Ipanema, I thought it would be a pain in the ass to come back to Barra two days a week. It turns out, going to the project has been one of the most stable things in my life since I’ve been in Brasil and it’s totally worth the effort it takes to get there.

Perninha's son in competition

What do I mean by stable? Living in the Connection Rio house was an amazing experience that I wouldn’t change for anything, but no matter how great it is, it’s still a hostel. That means that people are coming and going. You meet great friends that are here for a couple of weeks… some of them like Martin from Ireland you can convince to change their flights and stay with you longer, but sooner or later everyone you meet will go home to their respective countries halfway around the world. There are only four people who I’ve met in the Connection Rio house that are actually LIVING in Brasil. These people are the only other consistent thing in my life along with the social project.

Mateo leading the warm up

The project is also one of the only stable things in the lives of many of the children there. I realized this the other day when Perninha, for the first time EVER, arrived 15 minutes late. There were four kids there and complete chaos. Instead of acting like their normal sweet and disciplined selves, they were running around everywhere practicing some twisted mix of Muay Thai, Jiu Jitsu, and what should have been their warm up, while I sat and watched. It definitely occurred to me that I should make them do their normal warm ups, but trying to reign in the level of chaos that I was witnessing with my limited Portuguese was not an appealing idea. I mean, the word for warm up itself is hard to say (I have since been told that I need to learn to run the warm up).

At the mere sight of Perninha arriving (via Jet Ski I believe), they attempted to get in formation. Perninha is very strict. Some BJJ schools are less formal, Gordo BJJ is not one of them. Students line up at the beginning of class according to belt level in rows of three with the center student standing on the line that runs down the mats. Anyone that comes late forms at the end of the line regardless of their belt level. When entering the project, students are expected to bow onto the mats and greet the instructors and their peers in order of belt level. During class students are expected to pay attention and not have side conversations, that goes for the kids that come to watch class as well.

Perninha and his son Diego

In addition to following the rules of the gym, Tico and Perninha are always reinforcing the fact that they need to listen to their parents, wash and take care of their own uniforms, do well in school, and stay away from dangerous places or situations around Rio (i.e. a skate park by the beach where a lot of girls were being assaulted). In short, they are providing a lot of structure and values to children who aren’t always getting it at home (as well as teaching them cool ways to choke people).

The results have been amazing. The social project has one an amazing competition team and one of the largest amount of female fighters that I’ve ever seen at one gym. Not only do the kids go to competitions to support each other but their family members and other people from the community are also making a point to go out and support the team.

Girls @ competition showing off their nails that are painted

red and black for Gordo BJJ

Carioca Christmas

Me: Whats the baby oil for?

Answer: YOU CAN'T GRAPPLE ME IF I'M COVERED IN OIL

#TRUTH

One of the things that I was looking forward to the most when moving to Brazil was the complete and utter lack of Christmas. Yeah I’m not going to lie, I HATE Christmas! Most people think I’m weird for this, but while you’re sitting with your family nice and cozy in front of a fire place opening presents, I’m driving all over the place in the snow (or worse just cold, slushy weather), visiting one family member after another. So needless to say I was elated about hiding out in the Connection Rio house and avoiding Christmas in its entirety last year.

                                                                                              

Somehow my plans went horribly awry and here I sit, next to a shiny Christmas tree, writing my Christmas blog.

The first problem with my master plan to avoid Santa Clause was that I moved in with a Peruvian family two weeks before the dreaded Dooms days. As a matter of fact, the day I came to see the house here in Cantagalo (Ipanema), my new 7yr old little brother was clinging to his moms leg begging to set up the tree.

The second problem with my plan to avoid Christmas festivities was el Super Pollo. Super Pollo (and about 50 other places all with the “pollo” in the name) are Peruvian chicken restaurants that are scattered all throughout the DC metro area. You can generally smell the tantalizing aroma of rotisserie chicken and yuca from about 3 miles away… The stuff is AMAZINGLY delicious and is always served with the white and green Peruvian mystery sauces that NO ONE can explain.

Where am I going with this? Well, Peruvian chicken is amazing, Peruvian cooking is delicious, and there was no way in hell that I was going to miss a Christmas dinner of Peruvian turkey (complete with a yellow mystery sauce that apparently they don’t even know what it is, it’s some Incan pepper!).In South America, or at least in the Spanish speaking countries, not sure about here in Brazil, Christmas is usually celebrated on the night of the 24^th. That night we ate turkey, salad, and panettone, a popular cake served around Christmas time here.

I think the best part of Christmas was that Thiago, the smallest of my new siblings, was begging for a Chess board from Santa Claus. Why a Chess board? Well I came to Brazil to train Jiu Jitsu, however, the majority of my time off the mats I spend playing chess with Connection Rio Sponsored athlete and good friend Nabas. We spend about two hours a day playing a minimum of 3 games of chess (the majority of which I lose). Now that I’ve moved out of the Connection Rio house my chess games are what I miss the most. Yesterday we played two games on the beach and two games up on the mountain Pedra da Gavea. Well, Thiago saw us playing one day and asked that we teach him. He’s only 7 yrs old and he wanted to play chess so bad that he begged for a chess board for Christmas!

So I spent the 24^th in the house with the family but on the 25^th I ventured out to Barra da Tijuca to visit the Connection Rio house and my fellow Gringos. Before leaving Ipanema I met up with an X guest from the house in a swag little apartment that he was renting from someone he trains with at De La Riva. We went to the beach enjoyed the sun (and a little Jiu Jitsu) and then I headed out to Barra. I was supposed to be there at 6 P.M. to meet Nabas. I got there at 7 P.M. and he got there around 8 P.M. That’s how Brazilian time works.

A little Jiu Jitsu @ Ipanema beach

I rang the bell, walked in the door, and froze halfway down the path. I’ve never been to a frat party, but I’m sure they result in the kind of devastation that I saw in the Connection Rio front yard. About 20 mats were stacked up at the corner of the pool right next to a table full of empty beer, liquor bottles, baby oil (yeah that’s right, baby oil). The house was empty except for the person that opened the door. The unusual silence created quite an appropriate post-apocalypse vibe. Apparently what started off as a wholesome breakfast of maple syrup, good old American pancakes, and mimosas warped into baby oil. Wrestling singlets, and two or three things that are inappropriate to put online. The debauchery was then taken to the beach, which explained the nearly empty house.

When they did finally get back we proceeded to celebrate Christmas like we celebrate everything else at Connection Rio: with a BBQ (and um yeah there was more cachaça… and chess). Compared to the afternoon, the events of the evening were a lot calmer, however, the singlet did come back out again. I tried to get a picture when my chess game was interrupted by an inebriated wrestler but he declined (which was a smart move because the picture would definitely be posted below if I had one).

A PICTURES OF THE SINGLETS WAS  GIVEN TO ME TO POST!

BIG THANKS TO JOHN LAMB!

This is me, trying to write my blog... but I'm not 

while on the way to see the doctor... which I didn't

Instead drinking a Capivodka

What happens off the mats...

Praia Brava

Nicole: can you drink and drive in this country

Me: it’s Brazil… (Therefore, a stupid question)

As a 26 year old, aspiring athlete I strive to act as professional as I can both in person and on social media networks. Ok more on social media networks than in person, but I do try. I’ve spent the last three months training 2-4 times a day, EVERYDAY with breaks on Sunday and the occasional Saturday off. I don’t have a job, but I still wake up at 6:30 AM every morning, drag myself out of bed and head off to the gym to train, whether I want to or not. The past couple of weeks getting to the gym has involved an hour to two hour long bus journey over a mountain. While I have never been confident in my ability to fly, the bus drivers here in Brazil seem to be functioning off the belief that if they accelerate and take a corners and speed bumps at neck breaking speeds they may be able to fly through the air like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. While I have yet to see a bus flying through the air, I have, on multiple occasions, thought we would go flying of the mountain and plummet into the ocean below. (Note: if you'd like to hear more about the dangers of Brazilian transportation check out my friend's blog Tales from Deep Half) 

After three months of this and three competitions, I felt the need for a little break.

Lies. I was supposed to compete this weekend in Arraial do Cabo (3 hours north of the city), but the tournament was canceled so I ended up on a forced vacation instead.

No matter what the reason was, this past weekend I was in Buzio, Brazil with Nicole, the only other female in the house. Three months in Brazil, and this was my first time out (I means seriously I don’t even go out around the house except to get Acai). 

The first thing we did when we got to Buzio on Saturday was get coffee (I had been up for the past 24 hours, but that tale goes in the untold stories of Brazil). Immediately after that we walked down to Centro. Centro was a lot bigger than I expected with a ton of hostels, places to eat and more Argentinians than Brazilians. We got some cold beers and sat on the beach for a while before watching some break dancers in the Plaza. I don’t even think we had dinner, we should have had dinner because there was definitely several Caiprinha’s consumed that night.

Note: Caipirinha's are a popular Brazilian drink that has Cachaça, lime, and sugar. Basically, it’s a glass of hard liquor with a ridiculous amount of sugar.

Me in my burge

On Sunday, we rented a Burge (small car or big go-kart, however you want to look at it). For R80  (about 40 bucks) they came and picked us up from the hotel and we were able to keep the burge for 24 hours. What they didn’t explain to us before paying was that it was a 4 gear stick shift. Thankfully, my first two cars were both standard so I was able to pull away without completely embarrassing myself (in front of the cute guy that was showing me how to use the thing). After mastering the burge (because the clutch was crap, emphasis on the clutch being crap and not my skills as a female driver) we hit the main road (the only paved road) in the burge with a couple of beers and headed out to the beach. It was my first time driving out of the country and I have to say I’m pretty sure I was the only female in Buzio that was behind the wheel! We made our way to Praia Bravia a beautiful secluded beach with pink sand and…. More caiprinha’s. Perfect place to relax and enjoy a book. So being me I went three hours away to a town with beautiful beaches only to refuse to get into the water! According to Nicole the water sparkled and it looked like you were swimming in gold. That in combination with the pink sand made it a pretty awesome beach to visit.

However, while leaving the beach we discovered:

1. We were lost

2. We needed gas

Which leads us to exhibit A: 

Exhibit A: policia federal (not MY policia but policia all the same)

Exhibit B: answer to the question "can you drink and drive in this country"

Let this not be confused with the act of drinking. stoping. getting in a car. and driving. 

This would be drinking WHILE driving

It was at this point when we were somewhat tipsy and lost that I pulled over a cop car to ask for directions. Not only did I get a personal escort to the gas stations (again managing to NOT embarrass myself behind the wheel), but I also got a phone number, and a “date” if you will for when Mr. Policia Federal got off work later at 11 p.m. (note exhibit B).

After this experience I kind of understand guy’s fascination with nice cars… that definitely wouldn’t have happened had we been walking around with no need for gas or directions!!

Further exploits from Sunday night will be censored due to the fact that, “I’m a 26 year old, aspiring athlete that strives to act as professional as I can both in person and on social media networks”. Let’s just say the night involved several more police officers a trip to two private beaches outside of Buzio and a return escort back to our hotel at an ungodly hour of the night! Oh yeah there was 5 Argentinians in there somewhere as well...

Monday was a day for recovery we got up, enjoyed breakfast at the hotel and then headed out to Tortuga beach before returning the burge. Tortuga was another quiet beach located next to some very posh hotels and restaurants. We had a cup of coffee at a nice table the over looked the water (which was filled with people snorkeling). Afterwards we had to return the burge and return to our mundane lives as pedestrians! The fact that we were actually able to drive around definitely made the trip a lot more fun since were weren’t confined to any one particular beach/area.

Sunset from one of several overlooks 

Another random beautiful spot were these guys were fishing 

(never seen a spear gun before)

All in all it was an amazing trip and a much needed break from living in a house with 20 guys all of them time. Well actually, I don’t live in a house with 20 guys anymore, I live in Ipanema but that is a story for another blog post! 

Praia Brava (with the pink sand and golden water