Rio Open: 4 Step Guide to Losing

Losing sucks.
Well, I guess the fact that I still came home with a Bronze medal means I didn't really lose, but in my head I feel like lost. My friend told me that it's not losing if you learn something... and I did learn something, but I still feel like I didn't do nearly as good as a I could have. Oh well.

So I lost...
                           Now what?....

Step 1: Purge
Losing, no matter how good of a sport you are generally results at least 5 minutes of sulking in a corner wanting to cry OR if you're bold actually crying. Some people wait till they get out of the mat area to do in the privacy of the bathroom, while others run right into the waiting arms of teammates and give a good cry right there on the edge of the mats or ring. The first time I lost anything was in kickboxing to Tecia Torres at IKF World Classics. I managed to hold back tears until I was securely out of the venue with a White Russian in my hand (while she was inside signing autographed pictures of herself). People kept trying to comfort me telling me "oh she's a legend, there is no shame to losing to a legend". Well, thanks people but that didn't actually help! Losing is losing and it generally sucks no matter how you put it. It hurts, emotionally, and when you're in this sport, even physically (sometimes very publicly). So, step 1 to losing is to purge. Accept the loss, get over it, and move on to step 2.

Step 2: Binge
After making weight and then competing, it's finally time to refuel and regain your energy. Most athletes consume carbs and protein to get energy to achieve what one might call "beast mode".  AFTER competition athletes consume high amounts of sugar, processed food, and sometimes alcohol to achieve a state referred to as being "turned up". This can last for 1 week or, in drastic cases, this deviant behavior may continue until preparation for the athletes next fight begins. Binging (in Brazil) normally starts with a post-fight Acai. Acai, while supposedly good for you, is filled with sugar, making it the perfect way to start your post-fight binging. This is generally followed up by a meal, chocolate, cookies, and anything else you can get your hands on! Unfortunately, preparation for my next fight began before this competition even started, so my post fight binge included fish, salad, and beats! Yay! I walked through Ipanema yesterday and wanted to eat EVERYTHING! I finally just had to go back to my room and block out all temptation!

Step 3: Revel
Jiu Jitsu tournaments normally last all day, so once your sulking is done, it's time to enjoy the experience! If you compete regularly, then you get to know the people from the competition scenes. The staff, the photographers, the different teams, all people you've competed or trained with in the past, and, of course, your own teammates. There is more to competitions than just competing. After losing my second match, I went and sulked a little with some fellow gringos from Connection Rio and a Peanut butter sandwich. Then I went over to sit with the Nova Uniao team before going out to grab some lunch with friends.   

Ladies from the Nova Uniao Jiu Jitsu Family

On top of spending time with teammates, tournaments are a great place to meet people that you have met or trained with in the past or could potentially train with in the future. Mestre Terere showed up to coach my good friend from England and I got to sit in and take pictures of an interview he did for Gracie Mag.

Interview with Gracie Mag. Borrowing someone's hat and Iphone 5.

CascaGrossa

I also met several other Jiu Jitsu coaches and black belts that where here to compete. Later that night, I got to sit in and translate and amazing class taught by black belt Eduardo Castro from Half & Half in Sao Paulo. Coincidentally, I will be going to Sao Paulo at the end of the month, so hopefully I will be able to hang out there for a week or so and train with some friends after my next fight!

You can't win everytime, and the times that you don't, you shouldn't let losing get in the way of you enjoying the day with friends and family. Accept your loss, enjoy your day, and then move on to step 4: get your s*&% straight for the next fight!

Step 4: Revise
Well obviously if you lost something went wrong. So you're going to need to fix it. First off it's important for readers to keep in mind that the level of revision required is generally based on belt level. I'm currently in white belt purgatory. Generally, we white belts are known for being strange creatures on the mats that refuse to employ any other guard but the closed, insist on using force over technique, and often think that true belief trumps actual Jiu Jitsu moves (i.e. you can't, no matter how much you try, get a kimura from inside some else's closed guard, in fact, you shouldn't be doing anything other than trying to get out of said guard) and, therefore, will commit some of the stupidest, and often times, hilarious mistakes (that is when we don't just spend the whole 4 minutes failing to get out of/ or finalize from the closed guard).

Translating class for Gringos in Ipanema

(My favorite De La Riva sweeps!)

If you have a good coach step 4 shouldn't be too hard. Some coaches will meet you right at the edge of the mats with a, "What the hell do you think you were doing" type lecture while others will subtly incorporate it into your next rolling session. I have one friend that could break down a 20 minute analysis of a 4 minute jiu jitsu match, highlighting your strengths and weaknesses and giving you a plan of attack for your next match. No matter how your coach or teammates pass on the revisions, it's always a good idea to try to get a video of your match. Watching the match several times can help you understand the mistakes you made... in respects to jiu jitsu, it can also help you understand what you will and will not get points for.

Watching BJJ videos on YouTube is another good way to pick up new moves or details on old moves.

BJJ Scouts: Leandro Lo

De La Riva Spider Guard/ Hybrid

BJJ Scouts: Michelle Nicholini

Shin on Shin Sweeps

Focus, Force, Faith, and more Black Eyes

Nova Uniao Pro Wrestling Training 

MMA SPARRING

There is like absolutely like no way to get out of MMA sparring without getting your face jacked up. When I first got to Brazil I met this guy who had an incredibly low opinion of white belts and he used to berate me all of the time. After drilling one afternoon at Connection Rio he decided to impart some impeccable wisdom to me. He told me to "be better" (with his snide English accent). Well thats how I feel after getting punched several times with small MMA gloves. I really need to be better if I want to avoid black eyes, get grounded and pounded, and getting tossed around by all the people that are bigger than me.

Note on being small: if you look up at the picture of the team you'll note that that would be virtually everyone on the team that is bigger than me with the exeception of Michelle, who is a black belt, so that doesn't count because she is a beast. In situations where I get picked up and tossed around, SHE gets picked up and then clings to the person's body, climbs to the limb that she wants, and submits them. It's actually quite funny to watch because she is so tiny, but she can hurt sooo much. She makes side control feel like a submission (and it's not, its just a position meant to keep you immoblized). 

So, in respects to sparring, just think about it. Typical boxing gloves/ heavy bag gloves weigh 16 ounces. Most people train with 14 or 12 ounce gloves, I personally use 12oz Machina gloves (although they look like they are 10oz). Muay Thai and Kickboxing fights traditionally use 10 ounce gloves, BUT, if you try to use 10 ounce gloves during sparring someone is probably going to be mad about it.

Submission grappling with Ronys Torres

Now MMA gloves, on the other hand, are a meager 4 ounces of padding. That’s virtually nothing, so we definitely don’t spar with 4oz gloves… that would be ridiculous. We spar with gloves that are between 4-7 ounces (because thats a lot better right?). I have a nice pair of Venum gloves that I really like but they are too small for me to spar in, so I was given a pair of Pretorian gloves to use instead. These gloves have a little bit more padding, but they are no where near the size of boxing gloves but that doesn't stop us from going all at it in them. 

So, like I was saying, it’s nearly impossible to go at it with those tiny little gloves and not get your face, or some other part of your body, jacked up. I mean there is always the wise decision to wear a headgear, but frankly, that rarely happens. 

The big problem for me is that if you don’t have shin guards or knee pads you’re not allowed to kick or throw knees (obviously), and my MiKiDo shin guards do not qualify (they are really just the illusion of protection, but in all actuality, provide no padding what so ever). So, that means I’m the tiniest/shortest person on the team, with a kickboxing background, and I’m not allowed to kick. That leaves me to rely on my boxing and my amazing wrestling skills (by amazing I mean almost nonexistent). I really hate wrestling, so invariably, it's what I train the most. Training with Claudinha has also really inspired me to improve my wrestling. She is exceptionally adept at throwing people to the ground, and frankly I'm not too excited about the idea of getting my ass tossed around like a doll. 

At first, ok probably still, during wrestling class or sparring I would be scared to do take downs because I don't want to look like an idiot (also, take downs gone wrong generally lead to chokes). Even worse would be when I have to go up against Lu, who fights 3 weight classes above mine in Rona Rousey's division. She is also the girl that I know the least on the team, so needless to say, I was a little worried she would use excessive force on my small frame. Well, it turns out, my fears were unfounded. She, like the rest of the people on the team, was just there to help. Inevitably, I ended up on the ground, but I managed to get a lot of tips and help with my wrestling in the process. 

On another Jiu Jitsu related  note... 

Finally got the last two strips on my white belt!

IBJJF: Rio Open

I’m finally able to compete after two months of being injured. It feels so good to be able to train full time again. Since being injured I switched the focus of my training from BJJ to MMA. As a result, I had to leave Terere's and start training BJJ at Nova Uniao. It was definitely a hard decision since Terere is such a good friend and an amazing teacher, but in the end, my goal is to fight MMA and there is no better place to do that than Nova Uniao. Since there are no MMA fights coming up that I know of, I’m going to compete Jiu Jitsu. My first competition for Nova Uniao team will also be my first IBJJF competition.

 (Note: for the non-Jiu Jitsu people, the IBJJF comps are the ones that matter. 1 IBJJF gold medal is worth the more than the other 7 gold medals I’ve won from smaller federations. I missed out on the IBJJF Brasileiros because of my shoulder).

After Rio Open I hope I’ll be able to get my blue belt because it seems like I may have gotten myself into a white belt purgatory...

An important note to aspiring white belts: When you’re trying to get your blue belt, don’t keep switching gyms! Loyalty is a big issue in the BJJ community. You train at one gym and you represent one gym in competitions.

The concept is very similar to that of a gang, when have you ever seen the Bloods and the Crips sharing the best techniques about how to pull off a drive by? Never, right? In a similar fashion, a lot of traditional BJJ gyms discourage cross training at different academies.

The girls from Nova Uniao

Places like Renzo Gracie PA outright prohibit it in their rules (with the exception of affiliate gyms). Other places like Nova Uniao just subtlety transmit the idea by ripping your patches off your gis… I get yelled at there for wearing Renzo Gracie shirts turned inside out, all they can see is black, but they know what it is. Not everyone cares though, academy’s like Terere's gym could care less. I go to Terere's with my Renzo Gracie rashguard and my Nova Uniao Kimura gi that Claudinha gave to me, and Gordo Jiu Jitsu stickers on my laptop and nobody notices… I actually got complements on the gi.

So if you want to save yourself a headache, it’s important to find the right gym for you because it’s like a family, and they expect a certain degree of loyalty and respect. I, however like to do things the hard way, in an attempt to find the right training combination with BJJ and MMA, have switched gyms twice. As a result, I’ve screwed myself into a white belt purgatory and I now have no idea who the hell is going to give me a blue belt. 

~Get Hip~

Women's MMA

UFC books first women's strawweight bout in history

Women's Pro MMA Events- June

MEET THE STRAWWEIGHTS
TUF 20

World Cup 2014: The Cup of All Cups

The Wold Cup, or the Cup of ALL Cups, as its called here in Brazil, starts today! So I figured I would start this post off with a bunch of anti-cup propoganda.

The streets of Brazil are starting to fill with green and yellow as people all over the place prepare for the World Cup. The Gringo presence here in Rio has skyrocketed and apparently they have brought some pretty annoying horns with them. Since there has been rampant protesting leading up to the Cup, I was surprised to find decorations and gringos popping up everywhere, even in the favelas. The kids in Cantagalo have been setting off what I assume are fireworks but what really sound like bombs for the last couple of hours. 

EVERYONE thinks they are a superhero and has decided to rock a flag cap through the streets of Rio. Even the Cuban boxing coach showed up to training this morning with two flags and a Brazilian jersey. He got into quite the discussion with a purple belt about the cup and then started training... there was a total of 4 of us there today. This World Cup is definitely going to mess with training. 

Left: decorations on the streets of Cantagalo. Right: from the side of a building. 

While there have been plenty of street artist expressing their anti-Copa sentiments via graffitti, John Oliver uses words to eloquently describe how FIFA is giving the Brazilian economy an bikini wax. 

Everyone here seems to be protesting, but why?

 Over 170,000 Brazilian citizens are being effected by the Cup and I'm not talking about the 35,000 volunteers that decided to willingly participate. I'm talking about the people who have been negatively impacted by the Cup, like the people who lost their houses due to stadium construction and other projects undertaken by FIFA. President Dilma has promised a "Cup of All Cups" and is using $11.5 billion dollars in order to pay for it. This is the most expensive World Cup to date. Now, I know what you must be thinking.... President Dilma must be one rich woman, but that's not actually the case, 80% of this monstrous FIFA bill is being covered by public funds.... that's $9.2 billion dollars that could have been put to hospitals, education, and transportation. Hospitals, in turn, took a $97 million dollar budget cut this year. 

But the government didn't just take money from the people, they lost money too. According to the rules of FIFA they don't have to pay taxes like everyone else in the world. So not only did the Brazilian government spend a massive amount of public funds, they also lost an estimated $475 million dollars. 

Get Hip: 

Why You Should Root for the World Cup Protesters

FIFA World Cup and Protests in Brazil
Child Prostitutes See World Cup as "Auspicious Money-Making Oppurtunity"
The World Cup Kicks Off in Style

Now all of that being said, this did NOT stop me from throwing on a Brazilian jersey and going out to the beach to watch the opening game with everyone. I mean, they closed the gym on me anyways so I couldn't work out now could I? So I headed down to Copacabana beach to meet up with the Gringos from Connection Rio. At the beach one side of the road was closed and there were flocks of people decked in green and yellow swarming towards Leme (the end of Copacabana) where they had big screens set up for viewing the game outdoors.

On the fridges of the crowd there were endless groups of police. Lots and lots of police in all different shapes and sizes. There were bulky ones with padded chests and shoulders that looked like Robocop, there were scantily dressed ones marching in a squadron with clubs, angry ones packed into armored trucks driving slowly down the street, and stationary ones prepped with riot shields lingering on corners. According to one article I read, there are apparently also guys with rockets on roofs. And then you wonder why this Cup of Cups is turning out to be one of the most expensive ever...

Towards the end of the game protesters came marching down the street. I totally support the anti-cup movement but I was currently in the act of selling out with a few cold drinks at a French kiosk with my friends (not my Connection Rio friends because they were lost deep in the crowd). Did I mention I was on the beach?

All and all, the World Cup opening went smoothly and President Dilma could been seen screaming with excitement from her seats in Sao Paulo. While this may not have been the most desired outcome to use 9.2 billion tax dollars, Brazilians still used the victory as an excuse to have a drink and dance some samba. 

Bank Security strike against slavery

Because nothing says anti-slavery like a bunch of stickers on a bank 

Lots and LOTS of stickers!

Finances and Ficantes

Thanks to Nicole for providing yet ANOTHER amazing picture 

Warning: the theme from most of my conversations this week seems to be finances and ficantes. This post does not pertain to Martial Arts but gives some perspectives on why I spend so much of my time in the gym as opposed to dealing with all of the bulls*%^$ outside of the it!

On finances:

Brazilian work their ass off and get paid very little, while everything in Brazil generally costs 3 times more than its actual price (mainly due to taxes).

And then you wonder why everyone from teachers to the police are protesting the World Cup. An event that will make billions of dollars while using over 32 thousand unpaid Brazilian volunteers.

The topic of overworked, underpaid Brazilians was brought up to me for the first time from at 16 year old kid that lives in my community. He is 16 years old and has been working for over 3 years. Currently, he is trying to save the money to build his own room (our equivalent of a studio apartment). Why would a 16 year old be trying to buy his own place you may ask? Because he is 1 of 11 children, and therefore, was never afforded the luxury of a childhood. He didn’t even get to finish high school. Instead he learned to hustle from a young age, selling chairs and umbrellas on the beach and then moving on to gardening. His average income is about R250 a week (50R per day), which breaks down to be about $125 ($25 per day).

 (Note: rent for a room in the favela will run you around R500 a month)

The problem is that the prices of everything keep going up, especially with the arrival of the World Cup. Bus prices went up 50 cents in the past 9 months (the first 25 cent increase resulted in a protest that gained international attention), metro prices have gone up 30 cents, sugar, bananas, eggs… It’s all going up little by little, but in the end it all adds up, especially for the lower classes. This is what this kid explained to me as we walked up through the community. Not the kind of thing you expect to hear from a 16 year old…

This year hospitals have a budget cut of R216 million, nearly 

5% of their annual budget

So like I said before, Brazilians work their asses off from a young age and get paid very little. This idea was brought up again by another guy from the community on my way home the other night. This particular guy speaks English, trains Jiu Jitsu when he can, works at a nice restaurant, and sells weed occasionally on the side to supplement his income. I’m not sure how much money he makes, but working at a restaurant is a pretty decent job when you consider the alternative of selling chairs or drinks on the beach or hauling loads of building material around the favela (just to be clear favela always implies a lot of hills and steps and working on the beach… well have you ever tried walking around in sand for 8 hours? It sucks).

He works 6 days a week with one Saturday off a month. If you think about it, that’s a lot of work and barely any time off, and it still doesn’t cover the bills. So he sells weed. Now he doesn’t sell weed because he wants to, he sells it because it’s profitable. Profitable is important when prices in Brazil are skyrocketing the closer and closer we get to June and the eminent World Cup. What you can buy in the communities, you can sell to gringos on the street for 4x what it’s worth, making it a very tempting endeavor.

(Note: This is essentially what politicians do in Brazil, due to taxes and other political nonsense, it is literally cheaper to pay someone to fly to the US and buy you a PlayStation 4 and bring it back than it is to buy it here in Brazil).

Actual price + Import taxes + distrubution costs= R4,000

US $1,810 

(Note:you can buy a play4 for $344 on amazon)

BUT, despite the profitability of a small side hustle, you run a high risk, especially if you’re black (those were his words not mine). The last time he got caught by the police, he was taken to the Aropoador (a popular tourist spot on the beach) and beat with clubs for 10 minutes. So, maybe selling drugs isn’t the best way to get food on the table, but it is definitely a viable option for a large portion of under-educated people living with little to no resources in favelas.

Education is also another problem with Brazil, thus the massive amount of teacher lead protests in the last year. Schools in Brazil run for only 4-5 hours a day and that’s only when they actually have classes. Between holidays like Christmas and the carnival and then other added distractions like the protests and World Cup (game days will be holidays in cities were the game is held), kids get very little education in public schools. The kids that live with me, for example, have missed at least 6 random days of school so far this month, not including the random scheduled holidays (we recently celebrated a saint that slays dragons….)

So, if you work your ass off and you don’t get paid, what is a Brazilian to do?

Find a ficante of course.

On ficantes:

Part 1: Seriously kid?

Ficante comes from the verb ficar, which means to stay or remain in Portuguese. A ficante is a person that you stay with, not to be confused with a girlfriend or a boyfriend, this person is just to hang around no strings attached, a friend with benefits if you will. Take said 16 year old. He has a girlfriend and a ficante, however, that didn’t deter him from trying to go out with me as well! Apparently, he saw me with my jiu jitsu teacher, so he decided that the best way to talk to me was to go train (Smart kid. Training is pretty much the only way to talk to me since it’s all I do). After bumming a cigarette off one of his ficantes that we passed on the street, he got right to the point and asked me straight off if he had a chance with me. The answer was no, especially when I found out he was only 16, but that didn’t stop him. The persistence that Brazilian men put into sleeping with women is astounding!

Rejection didn’t make him any less talkative. He spent a good 15 minutes explaining to me how he has some 23 year old, among others, that showers him clothes, cigarettes, and other odds and ends.  He tells her straight up he doesn’t want anything with her except to hang out occasionally, and apparently, they are fine with that. So, these women buy him stuff, and he in return is able to save money to put towards getting his own place. Instead of selling weed, he makes ends meet by… well I guess he is pretty much sleeping around isn’t he? He has a somewhat justifiable excuse for his whoreish actions I guess.

On ficantes:

Part 2: Gastoso V Gostoso

Now the idea of the gastoso V gosotos delves a little further into the complexities of the Brazilian relationship, dividing the idea of the ficante into two subgroups. The first, the gastoso, comes from the verb “gastar” which means to spend. Now you can spend a lot of things, like time and energy, but in this case, we are referring to the spending of large quantities of money. The gastoso is a person(s) that one acquires for things like getting your hair and nails did; someone that pays the bills and puts food on the table. Moving on. Gostoso comes from the verb “gostar” or “to like”. Literally translated it means “tasty”. Figuratively translated… well you see where I’m going with that right? Right. In the previous case of the 16 year old he was in search of a gastosa in order to gain a little bit of financial security, but that economics can’t be the only reason that people seek out relationships, thus the gostosos.

Take for example a charming Casanova that I trained with that also used to hit on me. He apparently really liked me but would never actually talk to me in person (which is weird). His main line of attack via Facebook because, seriously, nothing is more romantic than love via social media. The problem with that was that one look through his pictures made it evident that he was living with his child and baby’s mama. And it wasn’t really his baby’s mama, it was his current girlfriend… who lived with him. So, he would send me messages about hooking up and I would just be looking at his girlfriend and him in his profile picture and laughing my ass off to myself at home.  At the time I thought he was crazy, but now thanks to the wisdom laid down on my from this 16 year old, I now know that he was just hunting for a ficante (tipo gostoso) to supplement his love life.

Residents of Jacarezinho protest the World Cup

So to summarize:

If you’re looking to make a living in Brazil, you are probably screwed.

If you’re planning on coming to the World Cup in Brazil, you are probably screwed.

If you’re looking for love in Brazil, you are DEFEINITLY screwed.

Interesting articles:
Street art protesing the world cup/ Decoracao anti-copa

Shogun desabafa após assalto: "O Brasil não está pronto para a Copa 

Brazil's favelas are in big trouble, despite the World Cup marketing push

In Brazil, strike season kicks off as World Cup nears

Saúde do Rio tem corte de R$ 216 milhões

Broken and Bored

Kid from favela: Did you break your arm?

Me: No, I separated my shoulder training with some girl.

Kid: Are you going to break her now?

If I had to choose an injury, I would go with broken nose. 

I mean what is your nose really for? Breathing right? Well you have a mouth for that, so basically a nose is an extra, highly breakable appendage that you can live without. More importantly, you can train without. 

But I didn't get to choose my injury, Claudinha did that for me. If there is one thing that I hate more than being injured, it would probably be wrestling, so it was quite appropriate that I separated my shoulder during wrestling practice. Damn double leg take downs.... this is why I pull guard. 

After hurting my shoulder I waited around with a huge bag of ice for an hour until training officially ended, then went into the locker room to change. If I had broken my nose this wouldn't have been a problem. But I didn't break my nose, I hurt my shoulder, to the point where I could barely lift my arm.

The result: I spent a good 5 minutes in the locker room standing on a bench, using a clothes hook, and my one good arm to try to get my shirt off, while simultaneously praying that no one would walk in and see what I was doing. 

(The day I hurt my arm. How many UFC fighters 

can you spot? I think there are 6 plus a 5x world champion

Boxer)

Then it was off to the UPA (emergency care) I went. After adamantly refusing an IV (I hate needles more than I hate wrestling), I was given a little red pill and sent to get an X-ray. I had to wait around for an hour in the freezing cold until the technician came back from her lunch break. Thankfully, after about 30 minutes of waiting the little red pill started to kick in and I wasn't so much pain. After getting my X-ray and being told that my shoulder is probably dislocated, they sent me to Miguel Couto, another hospital in Gavea, to see an orthopedic doctor, get 5 more X-rays, and wait around freezing my ass off for another hour. 

The result: 5 free X-rays, 1 sad excuse for an arm sling, and 1 month off of training due to what I determined to be a separated shoulder based on a.) The fact that they didn't pop anything back into place b.) Google X-ray images.

(This is my improved version of the sling. They actually put my arm INTO the

material and sent me out of the hospital wearing what appeared to be a sock 

on my arm. I was pissed beacuse I waited an hour for that mess)

The most devastating part of being injured was that I was going to miss out on the Arnold Classic tournamet, IBJJF Brasileiros in Sao Paulo and my first MMA fight. I was reduced from training 4 times a day to NOT training for 4 weeks. So whats a girl to do....

Get girly of course, over the last two weeks I have:

1. Done my hair (probably shouldn't have done that with the shoulder but whatever). 

2. Painted my nails (I grew them out AND painted them)

3. Done my makeup everyday

4. Gone on REALLY long walks on the beach

(Found these dogs while drinking 

Coconut water)

5. Gone to parties in the favela 

6. Taken a lot of selfies

7. Played with a lot of nunchucks

(I can do this now)

8. Watched other people train 

(This is apparently not easy on the family jewels)

9. Watched people get tattoos

My attempts to be feminine have gotten some interesting comments such as 

"Oh Nico, you look more like a woman" ~ Nogueira

"Nico isn't the same, she gets up in the morning and does her make up instead of training"~ Sue

And my favorite:

"What the hell is going on here"~ Cheeky Mike

I managed to comply with two and half weeks of my 4 week sentence (I'm currently at the beginning of week four). Not training is harder than it may seem. I went from having a ton of friends and people I see every day to sitting at home by myself watching my nails grow. The first thing Claudinha said when I showed up at the gym was, "We don't listen to doctors"... ok it wasn't the first thing but it WAS said. Even some of the pro coaches that I don't know so well keep asking me where I have been. So, needless to say, I've been sneaking my way back onto the mats to work some one-handed submission and boxing techniques. 

Hopefully I'll be fighting again soon...

10 Things You Only See in Brasil

1. Work Out Onsies

I present to you the work out onsie... a phenomena that is invading gyms across Rio. I'm not sure why it's become so popular, seeing as it seems entirely impractical for exercise and even hard to go to the bathroom in. Most of them have little in terms of a back side  which makes me wonder where ladies that sport these are getting their support from (the picture below is an exception, but seriously that zipper could really hurt if you were laying on your back). I can only conclude if you are wearing one of these then you are not really working out...

 Not only to they look impractical they come in an assortment of bright colors and are generally accompanied by more brightly colored flash dancesque socks. These socks go about halfway up the calves and are considerably worse and less stylish then the popular "cross fit" socks. Again I'm not sure why they have become so popular as it's so hot in Brasil I generally try to work out in the least amount of clothes possible!

2. Wheel Chairs
I've had the pleasure to go to the hospital several times in Brasil (not for anything serious) and must say that unlike the American system it is quite easy to get medical care with no health insurance here. However, with every socialized health care system there will always be drawbacks. In Brazil's case they have decided to economize in the area of wheel chairs. This metal contraption below is a wheel chair....

Then again, hospitals are for emergencies and for the sick, it would be frivolous to spend the people's taxes on luxury seating. If you're looking for a comfortable place to sit down in Brazil you will be happy to know that instead of spending money revamping hospitals, they have invested quite a bit of money in swag seats for the World Cup 2014.

3. Anti-Theft Cellphones
I got this baby my first month here in Brazil for around 60 bucks. It comes complete with a radio and camera! What the picture doesn't show is that it is pink as well making it not only practical, but stylish! This phone brings me back to my middle school days when I would try to text under my desk. I think the best part of the phone is that you can put 4 SIM cards in it (I currently have two). Why would you need 4 SIM cards?? Because it's damn near impossible to make a friggin phone call here!

Making a phone call requires some kind of magical sequence of "0", "9", and sometimes a "21" or "41" before whatever number you are supposed to call. If you are calling someone out of the state sometimes (most times) it doesn't work, sometimes it does. If you are calling a landline, sometimes it doesn't work, sometimes it does. If you are calling someone with the same chip as you... I think thats the only time that it actually works. Sometimes I spend like 20 minutes trying to make a phone call. The best part is that they charge you for all the times that it DOESN'T work. They even charge you to check your voice mail. This is really annoying since its generally the phone companies that call and leave voice messages, I once spent like 10 minutes trying to figure out how to check my voice mail and it was a stupid message about promotions from the phone company. Needless to say, I have never checked a voice mail since.

4. Gatos (also known as death via electricity)
Gato is Portuguese for cat... hot girl/guy... and this electrical monstrosity. Now I've seen this in the Dominican Republic as well as in the favelas of Brazil. This is the electrical set up outside my house. The electrician responsible for this I believe works at the bar below my house. One time when someone took a really hot shower for a long time the power went out in the house. The guy at the bar fixed it, but ever since we only get about 3 minutes of hot water in the showers (see more about showers here below). It's a strange and confusing system. The even stranger part is that we PAY for electricity, at least in the Dominican Republic when I had to deal with this the electricity was stolen....

The electrical set up outside of my front door... complete with 

a wooden broom handle

Another electrical wonder here in Brasil is the medal ladder against live electrical wires. This one I dedicate to my good friend Martin who came to visit from Ireland. Upon seeing this for the first time he literally stopped and stared at it for a good 5 minutes. If someone could explain how this doesn't result in immediate death, I would highly appreciate that!

5. Showers or lack there of....
It's not just a shower, its not just a bathroom, it's... it's... damn I had something for this. Whatever, it's an odd combination of the two of them together. This is common in Favelas and um... I don't know, other small spaces.

 The shower head it to the top right next to the sink, leaving a space about the width of my hips to take a shower. Most of the bathroom gets wet when showering, so finding a safe place to put your clothes and towel can be quite annoying. Once you've accomplished that task and are ready to proceed with the shower, there is only hot water for about 3 minutes. Afterwards, there is a click and then its cold water! Cold showers, no matter how hot it is, are never enjoyable! The shower comes complete with a squiggy because you have to mop the floor when you're done because obviously, you have just gotten the entire bathroom wet! I've said it before and I'll say it again, Nova Uniao has the best showers in all of Brazil! I do anything I can to avoid showering at home.

6. Siestas
People sleep everywhere here in Brasil. I've seen this man below sleeping on his cart, I've seen workers sleeping on the side walk, I've seen delivery guys sleeping on motorcycles, and women sleeping alone in semi-deserted streets (because, seriously, that seems safe). I'm not sure why but it is quite normal for people to plop down anywhere and take a little nap.

My good friend Nicole had the amazing opportunity to encounter a bus driver that decided to nap at all of the red lights! Apparently, he had to be woken up several times, one time he was asleep long enough to cause a traffic jam. 

7. Luzis (at least thats what they tell me it's called)
I love this kid, but unfortunately he is fallen victim to what I would call one of the worst trends to hit Brazil. I'm not quite sure where the recent obsession with people doing this to their hair came from. I'm pretty sure there is some rapper that came up with this ridiculous trend and now its catching on in Favelas everywhere. On top of blonde poka dots, it is also popular to dye blonde designs into your hair, mainly initials, but I had the pleasure to see one guy rocking  huge weed leaf on the back of his head.

Oh and since I brought up rappers... I feel like I should take some time to mention Funky and the Quandradinho. The Quandradinho is the way that Brazilians dance to Funky (Brazilian Rap). It involves moving your butt around in a circle with 6-8 different points... that's kind of really hard to explain, so take a look at the following video. Not only will you get to experience the Quandradinho (brought to you by preteens), you will also get see the "butterfly" version which gave me nightmares for a couple weeks.

8. Brazilian Bikini Wax
Ok this one proved somewhat hard to get a picture of, so just close your eyes and try to imagine. You've heard of the Brazilian bikini wax right? Well that's not something you can only see in Brazil, you can get that at a spa anywhere in the world but this, this is unique. It's actually the antithesis of the Brazilian Bikini wax. Girls will shave their legs (or not shave at all) up to their knees and then bleach the hair on their thighs blonde causing a shiny effect when hit with direct sunlight. So instead of removing the hair that they have, they are glorifying it.

Its hard to tell but thats a mass of bleached

blonde leg hair. Thanks to Nicole who 

snapped the picture on the bus!

On another note. After moving to Brazil I totally understand why the "Brazilian bikini wax" even exists. It turns out that the average Brazilian bikini is about the size of 4 fingers (that's tiny fingers not like a huge man's fingers). They are, to put it lightly, quite revealing, which would obviously require extensive removal of hair. I'm somewhat horrified by the idea of having to buy a new bathing suit here! And its not only the girls that wear small bathing suits, oh no!! It's not uncommon to find men walking around in sungas. Sunga is American for a tiny, tiny speedo. It's not just young, sexy men that wear sungas, its old men, fat men, skinny men, working men, basically, everyone. And it's not just on the beach either. There is a 5 block radius around the beach where you can encounter this phenomena.

This is 5 blocks away from the beach in a 

residential neighborhood right outside of the metro!

9. Elevators
Every country has elevators, but tell me that last time you have seen an elevator employee in the U.S.? In Brazil they actually hire people to sit in an elevator for 8 hours a day and press a button! Up and down, up and down. It has got to be one of the most boring jobs ever (I have seen worse jobs though).

The worst time to be in the elevator is when kids get off from school. They pack into the elevator and they scream and throw stuff! It's already hot enough here in Brazil, so being packed into an elevator with hot, sweaty kids is not on my list of things to do every day.


10. Fat people need love too!

Look at the picture. Do you see it? I know it's in Portuguese, but do you see it? This sign is found on buses and on the metro here in Rio and it designates the preferential seating on for old people, pregnant people, people with kids, AND obese people. They really give preferential seating to fat people here in Brazil. And not only that it's accompanied but a picture! Ya gotta love that!

MMA- The Other Side of the Mats

Claudinha Galdelha: You want to compete MMA?

Me: Yeah

Cluandinha: Just talk to Dede ( Andre Pederneiras)

Me: (look of horror)

NoGi or Submission class

She said it like it was the easiest thing in the world. You know, just go talk walk up to Andre Pederneiras, tap him on the shoulder, and be like, "Hey I want to fight!"... No big deal really. I mean, half the time I see him at the gym some guy is sticking a camera in his face or interviewing him. Last time I saw him there were cameras all over him and he was running try outs for middle heavy weight spots on the team. So, I decided to go with plan B instead: just keep showing up to training until he notices, or someone tells him about me, or someone at least introduces me to the man! I mean how hard could that be, all I do is train...

Since I've been at Nova Uniao, my goal has been to get on the other side of the mats. What do I mean by the other side? Well, there is one side filled with women and teenagers and people that come to Nova Uniao just because and then there is the other side, filled with huge muscles, six packs, and sweaty guys (and 4 girls) that look like they could rip you apart. The other side is where all the fighters are... the side where you need permission to be on.

This week I've managed to get over to that side for several training sessions! It was actually as easy as going up to Claudinha after one of the normal classes and asking about it. Apparently she makes everything seem easy...

So I get into my first pro training and of course it's a wrestling class because I suck at wrestling. I spent a good portion of the class trying to not to make a fool out of myself. The warm up was easy because thankfully, after so many years of Hess abuse... I mean, training at MiKiDo, carrying around a guy that has 6K on me and trying to do bicept curls with him doesn't actually seem too out of the ordinary. In my head I managed to do alright ( by not making a fool out of myself) and I also picked up some pretty nice tips on arm triangles from Claudinha.

Other highlights from training at Nova Uniao this week:

1. I have bruises on my face (again) from NoGi BUUUT everyone else turned up with black eyes and busted lips the next day so apparently I got off easy.

2. Jose Aldo was in boxing class the other day.... really hard to concentrate on combos when Jose Aldo is right behind you. That was another exercise in trying not to make a fool out of myself!

Jose Aldo and Roberto Leitao

3. That 74 year old man in compression shorts: I had no idea who the man was but he looks like someone's grandfather and then all of the sudden one day I see him strip down to compression shorts and start rolling with the fighters. Everyone calls him Mestre (master) and gives him the utt-most respect, so needless to say, I do the same thing. I have had several conversations interesting conversations with him despite the fact that I have no idea who he is... Well, it turns out, he is the man that invented luta livre, Roberto Leitao. He is apparently still a beast on the mats.

4. I won another gold medal Feb 22nd. I only had one fight and won on points (10-0).  I'm fighting again this weekend, and the next weekend, and the weekend after that as well...

Circuito Minerinha

Interesting links:
Robert Leitao's 10 principles of Luta Livre
Jose Aldo Highlights
Claudinha Galdelha Highlights